The day I realized I couldn't trust you, was the day I was in shock, denial, but most of all I was heartbroken.
Girls are constantly fighting, whether it be about boys, makeup, clothes, or other silly things. We were different though. We met because the same boy broke our heart. We had that connection that instantly made us inseparable. We had the friendship that you would see in movies- we wore each other’s clothes, we played the same sports, we hung out with the same people, and we even looked like we could be sisters. We would do each other’s makeup, and curl each other’s stick straight blonde hair hoping the curls wouldn't fall out 20 minutes later.
The day I let you throw your biggest secrets out of my car window going down a back road, was the day I thought we trusted each other; but man was I wrong. Life seemed great for us. We had each other and that's all we needed when the world seemed like it wasn't on our side, at least that's what I thought.
When our friendship was at its peak, I didn't realize it then, but I had changed so much. I wasn't the girl I used to be. I was behind in most of my classes, my grades were dropping, I was skipping school, I was getting in trouble with administration, and making awful decisions out of school as well. I had never done any of those things before. I realize now, that the only thing all of these bad decisions had in common was you. In no way am I giving you full credit for all of these bad decisions. Yes, I realize that I had the option to say no at any time. But you were my friend, right? So why would I want to miss out on our adventure?
The countless times we would skip lunch and go to your house to make pancakes, all of the food from McDonald's we would buy, blaring music wherever we went, and the beach trips made right after first or second period are memories i'll never forget. But with the good, there is also the bad. There were also the countless times I would tell you some of my deepest secrets, insecurities, and problems that I wouldn't dare tell anyone else. Unfortunately, those memories aren't as sweet. I would tell you all of these things, and I realized there was a problem when people would start asking me about them. I would be so mad at you, but somehow I always managed to forgive you.
That was my fault though, I valued our friendship too much. Even though there was never an instance of you being mad at me for speaking of something you told me in confidence, I was blind to the fact that you really weren't a great friend. I had let this go on for too long. My breaking point was when you accused me of being a bad friend, after being friends for so long, and having been put in all of these bad situations. I wasn't the bad friend, you just needed someone to blame your problems on. I was just the one known to forgive and make things better, even when it had nothing to do with me.
Finally, I stood up for myself. I stood up for all the times you would tell people something I told you in confidence. I stood up for all the classes missed because you wanted to go somewhere, but I was the one with a car. I stood up for the homework assignments missed, the grades that dropped, all the tears that were shed, and the other friends I had lost because you didn't like them.
Out of all of this heartache, I want to say thank you. Thank you for teaching me how to be patient and forgiving, even when you didn't deserve it. Thank you for teaching me how to be confident in who I am, after being used for so long. Thank you for showing me how best friends are and are not supposed to act and treat each other. Thank you for teaching me how to stand up for myself in situations I know I don't belong in. And finally, thank you for this poisonous friendship, because it made me realize who I truly am, and who I want to be. I am a better person now, and I thank you for that.
