A Shout-Out To My Granny

*Disclaimer: I love my grandmother and most of this article is a joke. Under no circumstance is this meant to be disrespectful. She gets it and she’s ok with it. You haven’t met her so no judgement.

My Grandmother is one of those crazy old women you hear stories about. She says mean things to you, but she makes you a cake on Sunday. If she took the time to print out her own pictures she’d replace all the pictures she has of your childhood with pictures of her cat. You throw her a party and she threatens to disown you. She mouths your Dadaw for being deaf and then says “WHAT?!” the next time you ask her a question. She’s a mess and needs to hear it. Here’s a shout out to my crazy old Granny.

1. Thanks for feeding me. Like seriously…keep doing that.
   
   
2. Stop buying your cat fifty cans of cat food. The reason he’s sick all the time is because you’re smothering him with your love. Next time you think your cat is running low on cat food go to your drawer get out an envelope and a stamp and mail me the cash you were going to spend on cat food. I’m kidding, but seriously give the cat some breathing room.
   
   
3. While I’m on the subject of the cat though. Will you please admit that your cat can't really talk? It’s starting to get weird.
   
   
4. Thanks for watching Two Weeks with Love with me. Sadly your VCR bit the dust so I don’t know how we’ll ever watch it again, but we had some good times.
   
   
5. Thanks for always being ready to make caramel popcorn. You know how much I love that stuff and I know how much you love my jokes about the crack level of the caramel ;)
   
   
6. Thanks for watching scary movies with me and secretly loving them. Ok that last part is probably a lie. Instead thank you for letting me laugh at your fear. I totes appreciate it. I totes don’t appreciate that you don’t appreciate the acting talent that Robert DeNiro possesses. You should feel ashamed.
   
   
7. Thanks for doing genealogy. Like I really don’t understand it when you talk about it, but I’m sure that someday when I’m 77 I’ll understand.
   
   
8. Thanks for introducing me to all the elderly woman hobbies. I can crochet the heck out of one single chain while I’m watching Days of Our Lives.
   
   
9. Thanks for always having Band-Aids. People don’t understand how important it is to have a grandmother with a fully stocked Band-Aid cabinet. You’re literally the only person I know that always has name brand Neosporin.
   
   
10. Thanks for letting me and Dadaw tease you. You know you need it and whether you’d admit it or not you would feel really lost and sad without us. We’re kind of a dynamic duo that just happens to like messing with you. PS there may or may not be a fake snake hidden in your house. I’d be cautious opening just about anything if I were you.

Grandmothers are great. Although I love to give my Granny a hard time, I do love her. Could she be a little nicer to people other than her cat? Yes, but that isn’t the point of this article. The point is that even though my Dadaw is my favorite and I believe that I’ve made that perfectly clear, I thought my Granny could use a little love before I go back to pestering her. Keep it classy Granny. Also, will you please make me a red velvet cake? Love you!

Share some love for your grandmother or simply have a good laugh at mine, you know I do!