I still remember it like it was yesterday. I remember who I was on the phone with when I saw my mother run out of a nearby bathroom frantic, and terrified. I ran after her, and it seemed everything in the moments following happened like a slow motion, movie scene. I remember I reached out my arm towards you as the doctors tried to revive you, but fail. I remember calling out your name with no reply.

The years following your death were tough but it seemed the rest of the family had come to terms and healed in their best way. I couldn't help but wonder, when I too would heal. I held, and still hold a lot of regret in my heart about the time leading up to your passing. I never really got to say goodbye to you. It will always cause me regret. I struggled with this for years, wondering how I can get past this regret. The only solution I found was to forgive myself for not having the courage to say goodbye to you the way you deserved. To forgive myself the way you taught me to forgive. I hope and pray that you forgive me too.

I found comfort in recreating your recipes for my family, and keeping up with traditions that you had held so dear. It was then that I realized, I never lost you, Grandma. I never truly lost you because I believe you're a part of everything that I do. You set a standard in which I will raise my children and guide my grandchildren one day. You taught me how to cook, you taught me selflessness. You taught me to keep fighting when life is not going in your favor. You taught me how to be strong, how to be a woman. You taught me forgiveness and how to be a friend. So, you see, I never really lost you. You're a part of me. You're blood runs through my veins. You're a part of everything I do. I love you, Grandmother in heaven.