To my "Father",
I am not mad anymore. I've spent so long being angry at you for not being here for me. For not coming to my football games to support me on the sidelines, not being there to have movie nights with me, and just not doing the fatherly things that every father does. But I am over it now. I used to lay in bed every night and wander why I wasn't enough. What did I do to make you leave? Why could you not get your act together for me? I did not understand what was wrong with me. For the longest time, I let you make me feel as though I was not worthy of love nor capable to love someone. I felt as though I did not deserve to have people who truly loved me for me in my life. However, through amazing people in my life, I have found this false. While being in my first year of college, I have learned so many valuable lessons; one of them being how to forgive. I have learned that forgiveness is NOT for you but rather for me. I spent so many days feeling sorry for myself not realizing how blessed I truly am. There are people who have it way worse than me. So I am here not to say screw you, but to say THANK YOU.
Due to your absence in my life, I was led to meet the most amazing people on my journey in life that not only love me, but also support every step that I take. They lift me up when I need it most. They give me some of the best advice, lead me, and show me what true, genuine people look like.
Due to your absence, I have pushed myself harder than ever before every day so that I can make something of my life. I have watched you waste yours and that has just reaffirmed me that I have a greater purpose in this world. I have the ability to help those who may be enduring the same trials I have endured and so therefore I can now be an advocate to them.
Due to your absence, I now know what a true father is and isn't. A father is someone who loves, their child even when it is hard. A father supports their child through everything. A father gives their child the shirt off their back when they need it because THAT is what a father does. I now know how to be the best father one day to my children because of your absence. I used to pity myself for not having a "father", yet due to your absence I have some of the best father's in my life even though they are not blood.
Due to your absence, I have learned to not rely on anyone to do anything for me. If I want something in this world, I have to work for it myself.
Due to your absence, I have the BEST relationship with my mother. She has been there with me through it all; the nights crying tears over whether I would pass an exam or when I was going through a though time, the days laughing over something stupid that happened in class, and everything in between. Thanks to you, I have a greater appreciation for my mother and everything she provides me in life because I know it isn't easy being a single parent yet she somehow makes it work every single time.
But my greatest thank you is for leading me to God. Through your absence, I learned that while I may not have an earthly father, I do have a heavenly father who loves me unconditionally and will never leave me. Through this journey in life, God has blessed me in so many ways and before you left, I never once thought about their being a God. And when I did, I was so angry with him. I didn't understand how a God that was supposed to be so loving could take away someone who was supposed to be there for me. However, through the last 13 years, I have seen God work miracles in my life through your absence and so that is my greatest thank you I can give you. I hope this life gives you nothing but the best because at the end of the day, I am not placed on this earth to condemn nor judge, yet to love and encourage. I hope that you can find it in your heart to make the very best with the life you have because that is what you have inspired me to do. May the Lord bless you in all the ways he has me in this life. ~ Adam W.
"Jesus replied, 'you don't understand what I am doing now, but someday you will'." -John 13:7
