I think about you every day. A lot has changed since you passed away three years ago. I haven't met someone who is as genuine as you or as protective over me like you were. I visit your grave every other day because I feel like you still hear me. I still cry just as much as I did before.. Because I feel like everything would be so much easier if you were here. After you passed, a lot of people said that you didn't have to choose to get into the car. But the thing is, it wasn't your fault. You just wanted to go to Taco Bell. You may have had a smile on your face when the wind was blowing in your hair but that doesn't mean you wanted to die tragically.

Your sixteenth birthday was right around the corner.. And now because an adult decided to wear the shoes of an irresponsible and wreckless child, you suffered horribly. I'll never get to hear your jokes. You'll never get to ride your bike with your brothers or your Dad. My heart breaks every time I go and visit them but then again, it's a huge piece of you that I can hold onto forever.

I see other people go on with their life as if "everything happens for a reason" while Im sitting here wondering why this happened to you. I've prayed to God multiple times and asked him to just let me see you one last time. I need your counsel. You were younger than me yet it felt like you were my older brother. I miss you so much, my dearest friend. Receiving the phone call at 3am about your death... Shattered my entire world. I ran into my mothers room and just began to scream. I was angry with everyone and even with God. I lost my grandfather three years before you and I was lucky to make it through that.

And now, I have to live without your physical presence. I won't get to introduce you to my new born child some day. I won't get to take you to McDonald's anymore so you can get a Mcdouble with ketchup only. I have to forever miss out on how inspiring you were. The love you showed me as a person was unlike any I had ever felt. It was healthy, energetic, and uplifting. I have had issued with depression and autism my entire life... And you were the one person who would pick me up and brush me off. I'll never forget the day you became infuriated with someone who tried taking advantage of me. You always said "no" when I was too afraid to do it. It amazed me how someone so young had so much heart and courage.

I need you in my life again, brother. Whenever my world is falling apart, I go to your grave and realize just how horrible things are without you here. At your funeral they told me it would get easier over time or that I would learn to live with the pain. Well, I haven't gotten used to it. I haven't learned anything except that it is reality and you're never coming back home.

One thing I will always be grateful for, is that you knew how much I loved you before you passed away. I saw you three hours prior to the accident happening and I told you I loved you. I wish I would have just been late to curfew and gotten my car taken away, rather than you getting a ride from someone else. If I knew I could have prevented you from getting hurt... I would've taken you to Taco Bell. Even if it was fate for you to die, I still would have loved just a few more hours or days or weeks with you. No one had the same perspective as you. You were so open minded and I wish I was like that, every single day.

I miss you so much. And I hope I see you again some day. I'll be waiting for that day, for the rest of my life. I love you and that will never change. What happened to you was unfair and wrong and I'll always stick up for you I promise. You will be in my heart and my mind until I take my last breath. Tears are streaming down my face right now and I feel like you are always with me when I'm sad.

I never got to tell you this.. But if /when I have a son, he will be named after you.

Ride in Paradise my friend.