I have a fear. I try to think about it scarcely and often I tuck it to the back of my mind every time it starts to surface. Sometimes it surfaces when you answer my call at 3 a.m. because a boy just broke my heart for the 100th time. Sometimes it surfaces in the middle of the day when you meet me for lunch because I only have 27 cents in my bank account. Sometimes it surfaces when my friends comment about how they could never imagine being that close with their mom. But it always surfaces when I think about how much I love you.
It is my greatest fear to live without you.
Now don't get me wrong, sometimes you annoy me to no end. I used to despise you for taking my phone up every night at 10 p.m. I used to loathe the way you forced me to take a photo at anything that was even mildly photo-worthy. I used to hate the way you insisted on knowing every detail of my life. Hell, I still hate the way you insist on knowing every detail of my life, yes, I mean EVERY detail.
I've realized that instead of you having to snoop around to find out information, you are now the first person I call when anything happens.
I used to think it was because you were an incredible listener. Then, I realized it was just that you cared more about my own well-being than your own. It did not matter if I called you early in the morning after you were up all night with one of my sick sisters. It did not matter if I called you late at night after you had just laid down to rest after a long day at work. It did not matter if I called you when you were out with your friends, you would rush back home if that is what I needed.
You are the most selfless, generous and loving person I have ever met.
You'd give up anything for me, except when it comes to me stealing your clothes, but that's a story for another day. Seriously, you would give up any dream or desire you had for any one of mine. You would give me, or a stranger for that matter, the clothes off your own back if needed. Your heart is the purest I have ever known and I do not know how I got so lucky to have you as a mother.
I can only pray I am half of the person you are one day.
I hope you know that I watch you every day. How could I not, you're the greatest role model I've ever had. I have seen you at your worst and I have seen you at your best and I do not know how a person can be so beautiful during even the hardest moments of life. I can't imagine a world in which you are not my best friend, and I hope I never have to. I will spend the rest of my life cherishing every moment we have together because each moment is so special to me.
I love you, mom.