There comes a moment in every writer's life that they have a choice to make. Will you pursue your dream unbound by the concerns of the average world or do you settle for the mundane. In answering this question you find yourself at the cross road that almost everyone will face. The choice to be brave and follow your passion or to ignore your heart and listen to your head. Truly there are many more reasons to be logical, to do what will make you have a consistent income, a stable life. But my throat clenches when I imagine disappearing into the machine of a suburban wasteland. Stable is boring, a monotony that would surely leave me mad.
So when contemplating the trajectory of my life I have to consider my overall well being. If I can provide money for a household but am feeling suffocated by the monotony of my life what kind of wife or mother will I be to the people that I care for? Wouldn't it be better to make less money but be able to bestow love, kindness, and patience for my imaginary future children? Money does not mean happiness, and to give up joy for money is surely not the choice I would hope that my children would eventually make. I would pray that they were brave, that they would take risks and fail rather than hide from passion.
These are all beautiful ideas in theory but in practice to make a leap of faith, to leave the future uncertain is absolutely terrifying. It is not just my parents and my family that fear for my future well-being, I care more than anyone. But there is this small window of opportunity in life where you are completely unrestricted. You have no family to support, no true responsibilities so you can take these huge risks without jeopardizing the people around you. Wouldn't it be downright foolish to sacrifice a once in a lifetime opportunity to settle into a paper pushing job?
It's a scary thing to look at the future and not have a perfect plan. To feel that I am going to leave the opportunities open and if I go with passion then wherever I go will be the perfect place. If I do what I love I might fail...but what if I succeed? What if the universe aligns and I find a passion that lets me write, travel, meet people all over the world and create a life that is absolutely extraordinary? It's hard to admit that I am scared of the future, that I fear taking a leap because I pride myself on jumping even if I'm terrified of heights. But that's good right? This gut wrenching fear that I can feel in my throat means that I found something that makes my heart race. Something I can see so vividly that it may let me soar without even knowing how to fly.
