It's been over a year since I last hung up my competition dress for the last time. Except, I didn't really know it would be my last time.

I didn't want to.

Leaving the skating world meant leaving a piece of me behind. It meant never achieving the goal of Nationals, or the Olympics, or even the title "figure skating coach". There would be no more 6 AM early morning practices, or that unique type of unforgettable pressure that comes with figure skating competitions. No more coaches yelling at you to stretch or to "get that leg higher!" or to "bend those knees!". But most importantly, nothing to pull me out of my anxiety.

Many people will say that there are other things to do to pull me out of my anxiety, like joining a club or meeting new people. But i don't wanna do those things. I chose skating because it made me forget about all of the bad stuff going on at home. That is the only sport-related thing that has truly made me happy. The only thing that has ever made me excited to get up at 6 AM, just to rush around on figure skates in a cold rink, to get sore muscles, and to have to put in 7-8 hours of ballet a week just to maintain acceptable balance.

For the longest time, skating was my life, and I have a feeling it always will be part of me. It will always be part of me because, quite frankly, you can't quit something if you still miss it.