To the girl who gave herself away: Oh sweet girl, I know it hurts. I know what it’s like to give that boy you loved so much all the trust you have, to give him the most sacred parts of you… and then watch him throw it all away.

He said everything was perfect. He said he wasn’t going anywhere. He said he would always be there. Then, when you give him the very last thing you have, he leaves you. Broken. Tired. Hurt. The last thing you want to hear from anyone is how much better you can do, or how you’re going to be okay. How could anything ever make this okay? It takes everything you have to get out of bed every morning.

Let me tell you something, you beautiful soul. That is not love. Love is not leaving you a broken pile of nothing, for you to have to sort through when you have the strength to. I’m not writing this to tell you that in a week you’ll feel better, because it’s been that for me and I do not feel much better. I can’t really tell you when the hurt will subside. I would love to know myself. What I have realized, though, through the exhausting routine of putting on a fake smile and forcing myself to put one foot in front of the other, is that God never ever left me.

For days after I lost my virginity, I was convinced that God had turned his head and left me. I betrayed him. I wasn’t married. He told me to wait and I didn’t. About a week after everything, though, I was driving through town with my windows down with some sad Carrie Underwood blaring as loud as my speakers would go. I felt a nudge in my spirit. Not a strong one, but enough to let me know that God had something he wanted me to know. He was still there. I started crying of course, because I was thoroughly convinced that he was done with me. He had never left me, though. He was right there with me, through everything. All the nights I fell asleep with mascara all over my face, and the smell of old liquor on my breath. He was there. See, the world leads us to believe that things like Alcohol and drugs can help us fix the pain. And it does…for a matter of hours. But then you wake up… and the realization that he doesn’t love you anymore smacks you in the face, and you’re right back where you started, paired with a painful hangover.

The morning after my little meeting with God, I woke up with a verse in my head. Proverbs 3:15 (ESV) “She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her.” There are tons of movements out there on the worth of women, and how priceless we are. I never really understood it, until now. Several months ago, God told me that I would write a book on the worth of Christian women and young girls. I haven’t made much progress.. and I think I understand why now. He knew that my free will would take over, and that I would make the choices I did.

Sometimes God takes us through tough situations to teach us some of the most precious lessons. So, I’m not saying that tomorrow I’ll feel better, because I probably won’t. But I will see the beauty in all these ashes, I can promise you that, and I will focus on the true love of our God, which will never ever fail me. I’m still priceless. You’re still priceless. We just have a deeper understanding of the word now.

I hope this reaches someone, somewhere. You are not alone. Someone is feeling what you’re feeling. There’s a beautiful promise waiting for those who just hold on. Someday, God will send you, me, all of us beautifully broken women the perfect man. And we won’t ever feel this hurt anymore. But until then, remember whose you are, and that this is only temporary, no matter how permanent the pain might seem.