To be a woman is to pay attention.
It is to have eyes in the front, the back and both sides of your head. To have your heart skip a beat at every shadowy figure or slight movement of leaves in the wind.
To walk quickly with your keys between your fingers as if that will protect you. To shudder with relief as the door to your apartment building closes tightly behind you. Relief because "not today."
To be a woman is to notice the running car in the back corner of the supermarket parking lot and the man walking behind you at the same time. To notice the broken light in the parking garage. To hope someone will fix that soon.
To be a woman is to reflexively smile at people when you pass them in the store or in your building or on the street. It is to think, "I hope I didn't give that man the wrong idea by smiling." To look back to make sure he is still walking in the opposite direction. To exhale when you see that he is.
To be a woman is to question yourself constantly. Am I paranoid? Am I not paranoid enough? Am I crazy or just careful? To try to avoid being alone in public at night, a prisoner to the safety of home and locked doors.
To be a woman is to say "thank you, goodbye" as you close the door behind the male maintenance worker or cable engineer and realize that you've been holding your breath.
To be a woman is to know your surroundings at all times. To carefully select each interaction and sometimes worry about them incessantly afterwards. Was I too kind? Was I too dismissive? Did he get the wrong idea? Did I make him angry?
To be a woman is to remain poised as the men catcall you when you are alone and defenseless. And they always do. To silently scream inside your own mind, "leave me alone." To know that "no" and "stop" might not be enough to convince them.
To be a woman is to plan your plea. I am a daughter, a sister, a mother, a friend, please don't.
To be a woman is to be called a liar when you speak up about assault. To be told you brought it upon yourself. To be told there is no proof. To know there is proof, if only they could see it replayed on the inside of your eyelids when you close them at night.
To be a woman is to wish the men in your life could understand what it feels like but to be thankful that they never will. It is to ask your girlfriends to let you know when they get home. To be sure they got home. Please get home.
It is to teach our beautiful boys to respect women. To hope it is enough. Please be enough. To look at your daughter, your little sister, your niece, all the little girls you love and beg the universe to protect them. Please protect them.
To be a woman is to walk quickly with your head up, phone in hand but never look down, to mourn for your sisters in the headlines and pray you are never one of them.
To empathize with the deer in the woods who is targeted merely for existing. Me too.
Yet in the midst of all of the fear and the daily decisions that must be made to ensure our own safety, women find the time to be smart, to be kind, to be motivated, to be resilient. To be bosses and mothers and friends. To be heroes and fighters. To be all of the above at the same time. To find the courage to live life through the fear.
To be a woman is to be strong enough to be brave, yet smart enough to be afraid and to wish so desperately that you didn't have to be.
Source of picture: postersforprogressives.com
This is dedicated to my neighbor. By the time we crossed paths in the parking lot of my apartment building, her life had already been stolen from her by a man who she dared say "no" to. I think of her, a girl I never knew, every day.
