To all the big, beautiful women in the world,

I have and will probably always be the “fat girl” of my friends' group. That word used to hurt me deep down into my core. I would cry myself to sleep and pray to God I woke up thin and pretty like my other friends. The worst part of it was having to pretend it didn’t hurt me - because it did. I learned how to fake a smile at 11 years old. People “fat shamed” me because it was easy, they didn’t need any other material because the extra weight I carried on my body made for the perfect punchline. The other kids would look at me sideways if I wanted an extra piece of pizza or another helping of fries, silently judging the fat girl who couldn’t stop eating. My peers made me feel like my life meant nothing, and that I was "less than" because I weighed more.

It took a very long time for me to look in the mirror and not feel shame. 10 years later I still heard the echoes of all those mean comments in my head, I had to find a way to silence them. The only way to drive out the hate of others is through love, I had to learn to love myself. I have never known a harder battle than the one I fought trying to force myself to love the image I saw in the mirror. I knew that if I chose to lose weight for other people that it wouldn’t fill the emptiness I felt inside myself, if I was going to lose weight, it had to be for myself.

Now, before I get bombarded with “being overweight is unhealthy” and “we’re just concerned about your health” comments, let me make myself completely transparent with y’all. None of those people who take the time out of their day to call me a cow, a fat bitch, fatass did it out of their concern for my health. The people who chose to make fun of me did so because it was easy; I was an easy target because I hated myself. If you’re concerned about someone’s health, offer to work out with them, don’t belittle their size to the point where they feel forced to try to lose weight.

I had the hardest time trying to date because I just automatically assumed that nobody wants to be with a fat girl. I was so apologetic over my size, when I had nothing to be sorry about. There are plenty of men in the world who will love every roll, dimple, lump and stretch mark. I was sabotaging my own relationships by convincing myself that my size was a problem, when it wasn’t.

I am finally to the point where I love myself. I can finally look in the mirror and think to myself “damn girl” and truly mean it. I’m working toward being a happy, healthy woman who doesn’t care what anyone thinks.

So, to all the fat girls struggling with themselves, you are gorgeous, you are sensual, you are worth it.

All my love.