My autobiography is going to be a "How-To" book consisting of correct ways to third wheel. I'd call myself a professional because so far I'm still single, so I must be getting this whole thing down. I figured I'd take the opportunity to reflect on my learning experiences so far.

To properly third wheel, you have to be available. What kind of a third wheel brings along a fourth wheel? That just turns your tricycle into a four wheeler and throws off the entire balance of things. You can't just run around throwing off balances. That right there is how people get hurt. Safety first, folks.

While third wheeling with a coupled party, you ought to make the couples do embarrassing "love bird" things so you end up looking like the normal one (e.g. feeding each other). See how I deflect here?

Now, being the odd wheel is like being the unspoken ring leader, and as such, you decide the mood of the entire outing. You can either be a sarcastic pain in the rear and weigh everyone down with negativity or be the always welcome comical relief. I recommend Option B. Whatever you do, don't be Ms. Negative Nancy. The key is acting like you are as much a part of the relationship as either part of the couple. Fake it till you make it, but don't go coming between your couple. No one likes a home-wrecker.

A few tricks of the trade from one third wheel to the next: Join in any hug. Always remember group hugs are the best hugs! Don't be the odd one out when the couple holds hands (and you know they will). Go ahead and grab onto either side of your party and make people guess who the third wheel really is. It's no fun if people get to assume, because you know what assuming does...

A four wheeler has better balance, but who doesn't love a tricycle? So go ahead and be the best third wheel you can be! No couple is ever going to want to date without you.