When it doesn't hurt.
People have always warned me, that relationships come and go. Relationships with friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, family, yourself. Nothing can last forever, although I suppose some can, but most relationships change, grow, and then stop growing and wilt away. A lot of the times it feels abrupt and heart shattering, you can't stand it...yet others feel peaceful, normal, elegant. The ending was a part of living.
That's how you know (I think) that maybe the end isn't necessarily the "end", it's the beginning of something else. Yes yes, tell me I'm cliche and unoriginal, but it's the truth that some relationships can hold you back from the new opportunities and relationships gasping in front of you.
I lost someone who was extremely close to me, someone I've known for several years, and more, or at least it felt like that. I had a friendship that felt like it was 50 years old, then 80, and then 112...and then it wilted away. Times existed where we stopped talking because of some ridiculous fight, or because of personally issue, me once being so depressed that I shut everyone off, yet the friendship never faded. Times existed where we stopped talking and it hurt like a thousand bee stings plunging into your veins and striking the bone, and I knew it wasn't right, that it wasn't suppose to feel like this, so you suck up the pain for a little and then you make it up. You talk, you reason, you fight Over and over and over. People can push each other away millions of times, but you still fight until the end. Maybe the end is when your 19 years old, and maybe the end is 44. And maybe the end is never. But right now, right now was my end with my best friend.
Because it feels okay. Because it hurt, but it didn't hurt the same way. It didn't hurt like a thousand bee stings, it just hurt like falling down on the sidewalk and scraping your hand. It hurt a lot, but not from the impact, just y the look of it, and y the acknowledgment that it wasn't really hat bad. The point is, some things feel right to lose. Losing doesn't mean less, or even that you're lost, it just means something is one, something went elsewhere. You keep the memories, the stories, the laughs. You share the stories and memories and you still care a lot about that person. You don't feel bitter or angry, even if it ended sour, and this is because the losing was right. It was time to let go. I miss her a lot sometimes. I wish I still had my best friend to do anything with, and to say anything and it wasn't looked at as weird or strange. I miss having someone that just knew me, knew who I was. And in a way, I still do. She still knows who I am, who I was, and I know her. But we've gone separate ways, we're growing into new people and new relationships. Sometimes I wish I could go on a walk with er and tell her all about what's going on, about the new stories and memories I'm making, but I can't. And that's okay. I know she knows, in some way, because even when the good relationships end, you will always have them in your hand.
So my advice to you is, if you end a relationship and it doesn't feel right, then it probably wasn't time. You should figure out why you're fighting, why and how to fix it or get over it. How to talk it out and heal. It shouldn't hurt, not in an angry way. But when the time comes to when you hurt, ut you're not angry, or too sad, hen you don't really feel anything at all besides somberness, then maybe the time was now. The loss was right, and there's something for you to keep, to experience with others, to grow from. I will always have who my best friend and I were. I learned so much from her, and who I am is largely because of her. i still talk about our stories with my friends and laugh. I still say things she would've said, and it's because the relationship ended but life still moves on, and it fit in like a puzzle piece.
