Times up. The clock has run out on allowing sexual assault, and the abuse of power to be commonplace.
2017 was the year of Wonder Woman, our first female presidential candidate nominated by a major party, and the year that Times person of the year was the Me Too movement. 2018 has started out strong, full of hope and vigor. Oprah’s speech at the Golden Globes left permanent goosebumps on my arms. To think that little girls and women will see a powerful woman accept an award like that, cheered on by her peers instead of instructed to hold her tongue.
"Big Little Lies" swept the golden globes. A show about abuse, strength, resilience, and friendship. The show had powerful social commentary about the need to tell the truth, to expose the injustices in our lives. Best of all it taught us we don’t have to do it alone. Too many women have been taught not to tell. That they are powerless and insignificant. The tide is turning; the time is up. We have an opportunity to be on the right side of a culture-altering movement.
I’m so moved by the men that have stepped up and acknowledge that this is an important cause. It would be really easy to be threatened or even complacent. But, the truth is like Emma Watson said in her He for She speech we will never reach true equality without male compliance, understanding and solidarity.
For all of the men that want to take part in the movement, the most important part is simply joining the conversation.
Listening, asking questions, and reflecting on ways that you may possibly be able to alter your behavior to make the world we live in safer and more inclusive to women and other minorities. I truly think it is possible to delete the phrase “boys will be boys” from our vocabulary. Gender will no longer be an acceptable excuse for unacceptable behavior.
Aziz Ansari and James Franco have both sparked some controversy the past couple of weeks when it comes to the conversation around the Times Up movement. I was less than surprised about the allegations about James Franco, but Aziz Ansari really blew me away, as he has always been an advocate for women’s rights and identifies openly as a feminist.
In an article by Babe.net it was reported that a woman called Grace had a date with Aziz that went downhill fast. It has sparked more controversy with its blowback than originally expected. Numerous publications and news sources have responded to the allegations with varying opinions; it's been polarizing, to say the least.
Some say it was simply a date that went wrong, some say that it was sexual harassment and assault. Regardless of your opinion, the implications and understandings are clear; the conversation about consent and intimacy needs to continue. After being asked multiple times to stop sexual advances, Aziz repeatedly attempted to have sexual interactions. On the flip side there were multiple opportunities to leave, but is that victim blaming? Should grace have been allowed to spend more time with Aziz without fear of sexual force or pressure?
I think yes.
I can think of plenty of encounters where I may not have wanted to engage in sexual interactions but I also didn’t want the night to be over. Some people say that the area is grey, but what is crystal clear is that innuendos and assumptions are no longer welcome in sexual situations.
One of the best things about the Times Up movement is how accessible it is to bring up in conversation. It gives the leeway necessary to begin conversations about consent and sexual assault, which are too common to be left undiscussed. What is usually a difficult conversation to broach, can now begin by saying, “did you see the golden globes? What did you think of the pins?”
Hopefully, the mainstream nature of this movement will eliminate the stigma surrounding women being labeled “that type of girl” when they want to discuss topics such as gender equality. Why is it considered being “opinionated” or “outspoken” to discuss these type of things?
The days of girls or women being labeled aggressive or intense are hopefully coming to a close.
How is it aggressive to want equal rights, respect, or equal pay? It seems completely reasonable to me. Sometimes when the topic comes up and I make a comment, I am looked at is if I suggested that pizza should be illegal in America, or that Beyoncé really isn’t that talented. Why does it shock and repel so many people? I feel like I need to apologize for going off script, for discussing something other than Snapchat or hookups or drinking. Luckily, I have made incredible friends that invite and participate in those types of conversations, and I really do have hope that this movement will normalize these kinds of discussions.
Times Up has shed some incredible light on the sexual assault and abuse of power that has gone on for far too long. I look forward to women continuing to support each other and stand up for each other; and to more men having the courage and integrity to listen, reflect, and stand in solidarity.
