Comfort zones are supposed to be broken, nothing in your life besides your bed should be a comfort zone. Being comfortable does not allow you to explore and grow. Friends and family who may seem like comfort zones, should always challenge you in order for you to become the best version of yourself, hopefully widening this so called “comfort zone" of yours. Sometimes, having comfort zones is the worst thing that you could have done to yourself, which happens to be the case for me.
It was hard coming to an understanding that Budapest, not the imagined experience I would have had in Rome, was home. But I would not have it any other way. While Rome is a magical city filled with wonderful breathtaking memories, I would have never grown into the woman I am today. I say woman because I am not the little girl I was when I left home on January 26, 2015. The little girl walking up the stairs of LAX, leaving behind everything I knew and cared about, was a girl who was running away. Running away from all of her insecurities, in search of something bigger. The “bigger" that I had hoped for would be to become the person that I have always wanted be. A person that is loved by everyone. That “bigger" thing that I was running toward is something that is unattainable. It is unattainable because in order to be loved by all, you have to love yourself. And the little girl who was running away from everything she knew, was really trying to escape herself, and was running as fast as she could to break free of who she was.
Sprinting as fast as I could, I tried to mold myself into someone who I wasn't. I was being confronted with my worst fears, my insecurities. I was scared I wouldn't make friends, I was scared I would hate it here, I was scared that I wouldn't be smart enough, I was scared that I wouldn't fit in, I was scared I wouldn't like the food, I was scared the boys wouldn't like me, I was scared of everything that Budapest had to offer, and it terrified me that there was no turning back, once I hopped on the plane. The scared little girl, that slowly walked up the stairs of LAX, let a piece of herself go that was holding her back. I have always had insecurities but this was the first time I was nose to nose and toe to toe with them. And let me tell you, the confrontation was uncomfortable.
Running away from them seemed like the fastest way to become the person I had always wanted to be, but running away only makes retuning to them worse. I was never expecting to confront them head on, but it was time. I had let my insecurities dominate my life since freshmen year of college and instead of growing up like I thought I would in college, I was only regressing into someone unrecognizable. The drive I once had to become the best version of myself had gone away, and I was allowing my insecurities to define who I was. I was becoming a sad and insecure little girl. Let me tell you: I am an extremely happy person, but sometimes it is a facade. I thought that showing emotions was a sign of weakness, a sign of insecurity. However, I was wrong. Emotions show strength.
So it's time for you all to get uncomfortable.
