I think we all have a similar idea of what a victory looks like. In movies, it is a hero emerging tall just having won a battle. It is a street rat rising above the rest, conquering the odds, and marrying the princess. It’s the kid who grew up living on the streets getting accepted to IV league schools and becoming the next Albert Einstein.

We also have our little victories of the day, like buying fruit instead of the ever so tempting donut, not buying the 60 dollar shirt at the mall and saving that money, and taking the dog on a walk instead of binge watching Netflix for an extra 30 minutes.

It seems like a simple concept, right? Overcoming the odds and accomplishing the unlikely.

Well, there is a bit more to the picture than people talk about.

I was having a very serious conversation with a good friend of mine who had struggled with an eating disorder. In this particular situation, this came about from the words of an ex whose words carried a bit more weight than they probably should have.

She talked about how she had been talking to God for strength and peace about her body, but that she was getting a little frustrated with him. She just wanted to be victorious.

I thought about it for a little bit and this is the response I came up with.

I asked her what her definition of victory was, which was attaining peace and I mean, who would not want that? I think we all want some sort of peace with whatever issues or conflicts we may be facing, but how practical is it that one day we are just going to have peace?

I asked her that maybe her definition of victory is due for a redefinition.

I mentioned earlier that there are some things in the picture of a victory that we do not really look at. That hero who emerged victorious was surrounded by many of his fellow dead comrades. That street rat had to face the lies and deceit that comes around when you rise to the top. The little kid who was living in the streets probably lost all of his family and, even though he may have emerged above the rest, he does not have his family with him to celebrate.

Of course there is a lot of other good to those pictures too, but the point is that not all victories are the beautiful fantasies that they are made out to be.

I told my friend, that I thought she was just beginning to experience her victory as she has already come so far from where she was a year ago. One of my favorite things about this particular friend is that, no matter what she was experiencing, she never treated anyone differently and never missed out on an opportunity to show love and compassion, and to lend a listening ear. See, in my eyes, that is a victory.

Overcoming the odds and helping someone, and not purely for yourself, but because you really want to help that person. Not letting anybody stop you, despite the odds. Failing over and over again because what is a victory without failure? I know that eating disorders are extremely difficult to overcome and there is so much more to it, but I think that my friend was already victorious simply because she was taking charge and growing. She was not letting those thoughts overcome and overtake her. She was being her wonderful self that I have always known and I would never have known that she was struggling if she did not tell me. We may not always be completely confident in ourselves, but I think that is part of what makes us ourselves. Admitting that we are not completely confident and being completely okay with that.

My pastor said this this past weekend…

“Are we going to let the tough stuff make us bitter or better? Are we going to live our lives to be successful or significant?”

So do not be so hard on yourselves guys. You are getting there and you are growing. Be proud of that!