The old saying goes, "If you're feeling froggy, then jump." I jumped, well, tried to, at least.

I could almost compare it to an itch that I couldn't scratch, a zit that wouldn't rupture, or like an urge that I couldn't resist.

It was "the most wonderful time of the year" and this year, I was harder on myself than any other. The smallest inconvenience would lower my mood and the smallest mishap would be detrimental to my self-esteem. Nothing out of the ordinary for me, but I couldn't shake the feeling this time.

I'd need more fingers to count the number of times I've thought about jumping, but the typical "Think of those who care about you," or "You have so much to live for," would usually pull me away from death's edge.

That's supposed to be it, right? You remind yourself of your more positive traits, while your head is filled with the qualities of a perfect person. And then, you simply move on.

There's only so much a person can take, and in this case, I was the one giving the blows. I was the one feeling froggy.

Back and forth my thoughts would go. "Should I even be doing this?" "Come on now, be rational. It'll pass." "Doing this makes the most sense to me right now." As the day progressed, I sank lower and lower and came to my decision. When I was finally alone, as I usually am for extended periods of time, I'd make my jump.

Moments before, it was an exciting feeling. I'd be rid of those around me, and they'd be rid of me. No more bad attitudes on my part, and now, instead of back and forth, my thoughts were clearer than they had been in a long time. I didn't want to hear about how this would affect my loved ones, because right then, I couldn't care less. I didn't want to be reminded of the religious consequences of my actions, because at that moment, I just didn't care. In my mind, God didn't care about me anyway.

Obviously, I failed at jumping or else I wouldn't be able to write this article. Afterwards, I went right back where I was, sad, but I suppose that this time I had a reason to be. I was already down on myself for not being this amazing person some of my family and peers make me out to be, and now I can't even manage to rid them of the disgrace that stands before them.

Months went on, and anger turned into embarrassment, and embarrassment into apathy. To me, apathy is the worst of the emotions, because it leads me back to the period I was in before, not caring. I felt froggy, so I jumped.