“It just so happens that people who get promoted a lot are the people bold enough to suggest a lot of threesomes. The people who suggest the most threesomes, obviously have the most [threesomes]. Those who cause the most [threesomes], incidentally end up in threesomes with their bosses and boss’s bosses, which is where the promotions really start happening.” --Warren Buffitt
The fact is, most of us don’t have the confidence to go to the CEO or the venture capitalists and say, “Let’s [all three of us] shut up, put our phones away and party. I have a 'business plan' to get us 'on-boarded' for a wild afternoon. You can leave your professional looking shirt on if you feel more comfortable that way.”
Man or woman, we all love threesomes, we just don’t ever talk about it. We just watch it in movies like "Wild Things." BE THE ONE THAT MAKES CORPORATE FANTASIES COME TRUE! FACT: THE CEO ALWAYS SECRETLY WANTS THE CMO.
It’s time you listen to me even more than you have so far in this article: Be the Benchmark that shows the CMO how special the CEO can be. IT LEADS TO PROMOTIONS.
Think about it. In ONE hot triad of sensual generosity, you’ll showcase your ability to take a leadership position. You’ll showcase your multitasking abilities, pleasure management, your attention to detail, your balance, your tight buns, fearless eye contact, your stamina, persistence, the list could go on...
BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER: IT’S FOR YOUR CAREER.
LISTEN EVEN HARDER TO THIS CHART: Threesomes are the single most effective way to forward your career. I’m here to show you what all successful professionals don’t want you to know, THE DATA IS HERE, LADIES AND GENTS, FOR FREE:
UNDERSTAND THE THREE SIMPLE COMPONENTS OF A C-LEVEL THREESOME AND YOU’LL BE ON THE FAST TRACK TO PROMOTIONS AND BETTER THREESOMES:
1. IT TAKES THREE TO TANGO IN A THREESOME: This one is obvious, but must be treated with care. It takes *three people to have a threesome. THEREFORE, you need a naughty, non-judgmental, neutral friend on standby. This person is not easy to find, so choose wisely. They’re generally happy people. But, most importantly, this person knows when to sensually step aside when you need to showcase your moves. You’re doing this for status first, then pleasure...but the point is to have both. So everyone has both.
2. THERE IS ALWAYS A SHINING STAR IN A THREESOME: It needs to be you. This person will be quietly celebrated and fantasized about by all employees and in company lore, which will linger long after you’ve moved on.
How can you tell if you’re the star? In the midst of the hot night, you’ll be lounged back with your hands behind your head, smiling. You’ll still be wearing sunglasses, or maybe a tie for novelty. Clearly you’ll be the center of “attention” and not giving a f*ck:
THE HANDS-BEHIND-HEAD POSE ALONE IS ACCOMPLISHING SO MANY THINGS:
It’s showing everyone that you’ve had better threesomes, when this is the apex of their lives. Also, be sure not to moan very much, and they will work harder to pleasure you. Subsequently, the CEO will feel accomplished to get any reaction from you at all, and each little moan, now becomes more powerful (strategic). They will admire your composure and the standards of orgy etiquette will fall under your control.
This pose will serve as a trigger that you can access any time in the future; Let’s say you’re negotiating your salary for your next promotion...all you do is pop this pose, smile, kick your feet up, and instantly, your CEO is a horny mess [your biggest fan].
3. THERE’S ALWAYS A LOSER: Maybe you’re on your way out and you just wanna show your CEO how pathetic they are in a primal scenario...a threesome is perfect for revenge, too. But personally I’ve never truly enjoyed a Revenge Threesome. Actually, forget I even brought it up.
This point is primarily to remember that most old white men or women will feel insecure. He/she won’t initiate too much hanky-panky...I would even be prepared for some tears and sad stories. However the lower they fall, the more impactful you can be. So guide them back into a sensual place with a firm hand and check in to make sure he/she isn’t staring out the window at the past. They will thank you forever for being patient and empathetic.
And voila! PROMOTIONS, PROMOTIONS, PROMOTIONS.
One more thing: The Corporate Threesome is like a secret society. It’s for climbing the ladder ONLY, and NEVER, EVER for extortion. A threesome is a naughty agreement, and that naughty little bond should NEVER be violated.
*Notice I did NOT say FOUR people. Stay away from foursomes, because they get too convoluted; Cliques will form, but you need to have your finger on the pulse of the action to know when to upstage the crowd.
