If I think of my life as a series of episodes named in the same way the episodes are friends are this one, "The One Where I Transfer," would be the hardest to go back and watch.
It's hard to go back to a school when you know your whole heart doesn't want to be there. It's hard to be anxious about leaving your dorm every day because the weight of the environment around you seems to collapse onto your chest. It's hard to be engaged in your studies when you don't know what you're working towards anymore.
If I had to sum it all up into five words: I did this for me.
Even though I know I don't have to explain to anyone why the happy girl everyone saw on social media wasn't really happy all this time, here I three reasons why I decided to leave my university and embark on a new adventure somewhere else.
1. My mental health comes first.
If I can't feel like myself, if I can't get to class, if I can't succeed, then I can't stay. It isn't weak to say you need help. That's how you build a better life for yourself. Being closer to my family doesn't mean I haven't been excelling at living on my own. It means I need a break and I'm okay with admitting that.
2. Money is an important factor and it can impact my future.
I came to a place where it made sense to major in International Affairs or Political Communications or Political Science. Now I'm majoring in Anthropology. And I'd rather save myself some money and instead invest in my future and go somewhere where I can get the same exact degree for a fraction of the price. I won't be in debt for the rest of my life. And that makes me happy.
3. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm actually doing something to make myself happy.
I've always been the girl who said yes to everyone, who was always afraid to upset someone, who was always worried that things wouldn't end up just right. Now, I know that it's more important for me to be able to express myself fully and appreciate who I am and how far I've come. And what makes me happy is leaving. Sure, I will miss the really important people in my life that shaped all the good experiences I had in this place. But I've gotten all I can out of being here, and leaving is not something I'm going to regret. Because my heart knows this is for me, and I can finally be genuinely proud of myself.
