The other day while I was scrolling through Facebook, I came across a meme that described the three people you fall in love with during your lifetime.
First off, I'm a skeptical person and there's obvious confirmation bias on my end with this because I had the "three people you fall in love with" experience. Every individual person's experience with love and falling in love is different, but I found it interesting and wanted to share my personal experiences.
The meme in question is on a Facebook page called "Love Me Forever" if you are interested in reading it or sharing it.
So, there's a belief that we fall in love with three different people for specific reasons because there are different depths of love in our lifetime. Here is an account on each of those claims from my experience:
First Love: This love often happens at a young age. You grow apart or call it quits over trivial matters. When you get older you may look back and think it wasn't love, but it was.
My first love turned out to be my first fiance'. I was 20 years old when I fell in love with him; I was young, naive and had no idea what love was or what love should be. I was in that awkward stage between adolescence and young adulthood. I saw the world through rose-colored glasses. I thought I was mature, but I wasn't. I was a college sophomore who had a bad habit of giving the benefit of the doubt to many people, including him. I ignored the snide comments, the seemingly trivial-but-not-really put-downs and jabs.
When I was 22, he asked me to marry him and I agreed because I thought this was the love I deserved and I was fascinated by the idea of a wedding; I loved the idea of a wedding and I thought I loved him, but my love was fading over time. My ex-fiance and I were together for a little over three years. I called it quits because I was no longer in love with him. We had little to nothing in common. I was day and he was night. But it was love to me because that's all I knew love to be. I called it quits because I knew we weren't compatible and were destined for a life of unhappiness and a marriage that would have inevitably failed.
Second Love: The hard one. You get hurt in this one. This love teaches us lessons and makes us stronger. This love includes great pain, lies, betrayal, abuse, drama, and damage. You become guarded and you see what you want and don't want in love. You become closed off.
Oh boy. My second love was my worst love. First, I made the mistake off going from my first love to my second love. My second love was a former coworker who always appeared mysterious and had a way with words. This person was truly a wolf in sheep's clothing.
I also fell in love with this person when he was in a rough patch in my life and I convinced myself I could rescue him. I was convinced it was me who could fix him and help him turn his life around.
He would tell me I was his angel and the best thing that ever happened to him; all of his exes were crazy and I was the reason he stopped sleeping around. For a long period of time, there would be points where he would go weeks without talking to me and I would agonize over his well-being and worry about him because he portrayed himself as fragile and a victim. Little did I know, there were reasons behind this sudden disappearance that truly weren't because he was fragile, but because of some poor choices he made. It was a strange situation.
Fast forward to the point he moves in with me because I'm convinced I can fix him and this is when all hell breaks loose. He regularly begins to gaslight me, manipulate me, lie to me, steal from me. He betrayed me in ways unimaginable. He attempts to isolate me from family and friends, stating they are trying to break us up.
He managed to break me down so much that I lost a job because he manipulated me into believing I needed to tend to his needs. He couldn't hold down a job or take care of himself. He physically assaulted me once and emotionally assaulted me every day. I had to run out of my apartment several times to get away from him.
I lost over 10 pounds from stress and I lost my sense of self. I had no idea someone could be so heartless and cruel until him. If I didn't leave when I did, I don't want to imagine what could have happened to me. I broke free and began the healing process, but I found it hard to trust or love anyone after him.
Third Love: This one comes blindly. No warning. It creeps on you silently. You don't go looking for love, it comes to you. You can put up any wall you want. You'll find yourself caring about the person without trying. They look nothing like your usual crush types, but you get lost in their eyes daily. You see beauty in their imperfections. You hide nothing from them. You want marriage and family with them. You thank the universe for them. You truly love them.
My third love, aka the love of my life, did indeed come to me. No matter what kinds of walls I put up, they slowly came down one by one. Without expectation and with no desire to enter another relationship, enter Michael. Michael and I knew of each other from college, but we didn't know each other.
He messaged me asking me how we knew each other. We figured out that we had briefly met at a college party and hit it off after that, texting each other all day and every day. We agreed to go on our first date and couldn't stop talking or laughing. We stayed up until 3 am sitting on his couch and talking about nothing and everything. We kissed for more than 30 minutes and fell asleep cuddling.
We went on several more dates and not more than two weeks later, we were a couple. It's been nearly 2 years since we've been together. Michael makes me happier more than anyone or anything. He is the person I want a marriage and family with. He seems to know me better than I know myself.
We become annoyed with each other from time to time like any other couple and we argue, but we always kiss and makeup. He helps me stay grounded and is the voice of reason in our relationship. He is my rock, my partner in crime, and my world.
Love has different levels, and every person we fall in love with teaches us something about ourselves and what we want and don't want in a partner/relationship. Love is not linear and it can be rough, painful and crushing, but it can also be joyful, beautiful and enlightening.
Love teaches us who we are.