If you’re a fellow driver/human being with a soul, chances are you’ve met a few drivers here and there who have made you second guess whether we're really living in a circle of hell.
Don’t worry. You’re not alone.
After a harrowing 6 hour drive to and from my parents house a few weeks ago, I realized these drivers are people, too, and was inspired to get to the bottom of the situation and give these drivers a benefit of a doubt. Granted, this isn't an extensive list - but it's a start.
1. The guy you didn’t intend to race but suddenly are and this is your life now.
So there you are – minding your own business using cruise control listening to your podcast about various styles of hutches when the guy in front of you is driving a few miles under the speed limit. That’s fine. You like to go a bit faster so you go into the passing lane to get around him.
Only now, the car you were aiming to pass is no longer going slow. They’ve sped up – matching their speed to yours.
The sun has gone down and the moon had come up, and long ago somebody left with the cup. But he’s driving and striving and hugging the turns, and thinking of someone for whom he still burns.
He’s going the distance, man. He’s going for speed. And Cake wrote a song about it. (It’s called “Going the Distance” – the more you know.)
2. The legend of the cursed blinker
Years ago, in a land far far away – there was a young boy who was lost in the darkest parts of the woods. He came across a cave, and saw what looked like light from a fire deep within. Running out of options as the sun set – he entered the cave. There was some meat cooking above the fire and he was famished – but there was no one inside. He took a small bite with the hopes that no one would notice.
But he was wrong. He was not alone.
He turned around to find an old woman who was shaking with rage.
She cursed him, that if he ever used a blinking light his entire family would be swept up in flames and spontaneously combust.
So the next time someone doesn’t use their blinker – they’ve probably been cursed. Have some respect.
3. Mr. “It’s my world and you’re just living in it.”
You know how sometimes when there’s a lot of traffic people usually stagger and let every other car fall into line? Well, on occasion – you may have the opportunity to meet THE man/woman of the world. Tell tale signs you have met whom the world revolves around is if they: don’t let anyone merge in front of them, speed up and cut across at the last possible moment in the merge lane, or anything else that may make you feel like chopped liver. Honestly, we are all chopped liver in the eyes of the person whom gravity centers upon.
