Recently, I've heard a lot of rape jokes being made and it's probably the most infuriating thing to hear as a survivor.

The word rape gets thrown around like its almost meaningless sometimes and to some it may be, but to others its the most traumatic, emotion filled, whirlwind, painful word to hear because that word has more meaning to a survivor than you will ever be able to comprehend.

I can't even keep track of the number of times I've heard someone jokingly yell "rape" or "stranger danger" because a friend was playfully bothering them or how many times I've heard someone say, "I'm going to rape this exam". I'm sure many of you have thrown that word around without really thinking about what that word means to someone else. You may have said the word jokingly and proceeded to laugh or heard someone else say it and just ignored it. Did you ever stop to think there may be someone in your presence who's blood is boiling and is cringing inside every time they hear that word?

Rape really is not something to joke about. If you are a survivor you know this all too well, and if you are fortunate enough not to have experienced rape and sexual abuse let me tell you what it actually looks like.

Rape is torture - literally being forced, manipulated, and sometimes beaten into doing something you do not want to do. Rape is finding yourself bruised, broken, and in more pain than your mind can process, so much so, that you want to scream but your body is in so much shock your brain can't even manage to get your vocal chords to vibrate enough to make a single sound.

Rape is not remembering who you are. You feel disgusted in your own skin; you find every way to hate yourself and blame yourself. All you want to do is find a way to escape your skin.Theres nothing you wouldn't give to live one second outside of the body you have learned to hate. People blame you; they shame you. You get told over an over again that you were foolish, that you should have known better, that you should have stopped it from happening. Society judges you for everything: the way you dress, the way you talk, the way you present yourself; and somehow now your personality and identity are being attacked as if being sexually attacked wasn't enough. You get labeled as a liar, a slut, an attention whore. You get told you were asking for it. You become isolated.

Rape is suffering alone in silence. It's countless moments of feeling worthless and defeated. It's forcing yourself to stay up all night just so you won't dream of the incident. It's having flashbacks and being back in that moment every time you smell, feel, see, hear something that reminds you of the incident. It's having anxiety anytime you have to walk somewhere alone. It's being terrified to be around anyone alone. It's not being able to trust anyone not even yourself. It's countless mental breakdowns. It's all your friends and family walking on eggshells around you because they don't understand you.

Rape is fighting for survival. Rape is forcing yourself to smile again. Rape is reminding yourself of the things you once enjoyed doing. Rape is overcoming PTSD, depression, anxiety, and focusing on your mental health. Rape is giving everything you have to just to make it another day.

Next time you joke about rape, take a second and think about it.