Dear self,

To be honest, things are going pretty well for me right now, which is super awesome, because I have had more than enough periods in my life where things were not great. I deserve to have things go well for me.

But while things are still far from perfect, I have had enough things go right for me lately, that I find myself waiting for more things to go wrong. I cannot think of a time where things went this well for me in the past, even in my childhood, without me having to "pay up" shortly after with some insanely high price...so I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am trying to enjoy this period when things go well, but at the same time, I am gearing up for when the spell breaks and I find myself more Cinderella-before-the-ball than the after-the-ball high I am currently riding. In preparation for this, I have compiled a list of quotes which have meaning for me now, which I hope will keep me from getting all "dark and twisty" a la Meredith Grey when the shoe eventually drops.

1. A reminder that I can enjoy this part, I don't need the negative to take up all of the space in my memory.

2. I am on the right path.

3. "Butterflies can't see their wings, they can't see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well."

4. Meredith understands me.

5. Sent to me by my lovely mother:

6. I have a crown, a sash, and various crown-adorned accessories for these days...

7. Sparkly shoes may be the only way I shine sometimes, that's okay.

8. I would not be who I am today without my dark periods.

9. Talent without hard work will never succeed as much as earned skill.

10. "You are just one person in the world who should have power."

This is one of the sweetest things a person has said to me, but they truly believe it, like Dumbledore believes this.

11. Cut out the people who are toxic. Just because they are interested when you are doing well, does not mean they will be when you are not. You are not obligated to share yourself with them, however much they pressure you.

12. You have always survived before. This, too, will pass. You will survive.

13. People have always compared you to Hermione, be that girl.

14. Remember, in 2016, you are going to SHINE.

15. Allow yourself to become all of which woman is capable!

16. Since it is a shoe dropping I am waiting for:

Remember these things. Have some faith, trust, and pixie dust. You will be okay.

Love,

Caitlyn

P.S. The shoe I'm holding is a 5" sparkly heel, so at least the other one will be cute!