Selfish. What does this word even mean? The dictionary states that selfish is when a person is "lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure." Sure this is a very straightforward definition, but since when is someone who is taking time for themselves labeled as selfish? I often wonder this very question. Sometimes people become so unbelievably stressed that they just need a break from the world. They need to be able to run or drive or do something, anything, without having to think about what is going on around them.
Often times we take on too much stress from others just because you want to help people. Helping others shouldn't come with the price of your own happiness and peace of mind. This doesn't mean that people can't lean on you or come to you with their problems anymore, it just means that you need to learn how to say "no, I have too much stress right now in my own life to help but I wish you the best."
Don't be afraid to say no because you're scared they will call you selfish, inconsiderate, or overdramatic.
If you are the one calling them selfish, inconsiderate, or over-dramatic, why? Is it not OK for them to need a break? Why don't you stop to see how your stress is transferring onto them, yes it is unintentional but that doesn't deny its existence. Let them take a break.
Learn how to handle your stress on your own for a while, the only person who can truly help you is yourself.
You need to be able to take your stress and channel it to something positive. Let it roll off your back and if you can't change the problem or solve it then move on. I am not saying that you can't just vent to someone every now and then, but don't judge that person you're venting to when they say they need space or suggest the change of subject that they don't want to talk about it right now. It's not an insult. It isn't a denial of your feelings. It isn't them being selfish. It is them needing space, respect it.
If you are the one who constantly puts your feelings aside just to help others, stop. Take your own mental health into mind. You can not always make everyone happy even if that is who you are as a person. Don't compromise your kindness for their benefit. Take yourself out of the equation and let them first try to solve it themselves. You can't be a median for everyone and if things go downhill it isn't your fault.
And please, please, don't ever question if you tried hard enough or not, it is them who didn't try at all, not you.
- 7 Virtues AND 7 Vices Of Venting ›
- Suppressing Your Emotions Isn't Making You Strong, It's Making You ... ›