I have always been the one person in my friend group that couldn't be trusted with a plate of spaghetti, ice cream, or any kind of Mexican dish because it would inevitably end up on my shirt somewhere. While most people don't like to admit they have a spillage problem, those of us who claim our identity as true stain creators will recognize these everyday encounters as the territory of wear this badge (stain) with honor.
1. White is not in your color palette.
While it might be fashionable and make for a pretty Instagram theme, it isn't something you will ever catch in your closet. Wearing white when you're prone to stains and expecting not to spill on yourself is like watching Jeopardy and expecting to not get a single question wrong (darn you Alex Trebek and your crazy hard questions!).
2. Scarves are a stylish cover up for midday spills.
You most likely have a scarf or two in your car or office in case of lunch break fiascos. Not only do they cover up where your leftover meatloaf is now on your left boob, but they also add a pop of color to your outfit. Two birds, one stone if you ask me.
3. You can never have a capsule wardrobe.
How someone can live with only 26 articles of clothing will forever amaze you because you change shirts three times most days because of spills. Not only do they make no sense, they are physically impossible for you to achieve because there would be 26 clothing items and a stain to go with every one.
4. Laundry pens are always somewhere on/near your person.
You have one in your purse, at your desk, in your car, and most likely a few extras hanging out all over your apartment just in case a stain occurs at a critical moment (don't they always?) You're pretty sure you single-handedly support the entire company based on the amount you have and don't know what you did without them.
5. Even though you have laundry pens, they never seem to work exactly how you want.
You might have 20 in your possession, but they never seem to fully get the stain out in time to make it to your next class or meeting. If you get lucky and find a stain that doesn't stand up to the quick and easy removal pen, you probably end up with a massive wet spot in its place that makes you look like you just drooled on yourself.
6. You can never be in a rush to eat.
Rushing = spilling and you can never run any extra risk of doing that. You already have a 75% chance you will get a stain from something but rushing bumps it up to 99% in the blink of an eye. You might be late, but at least you won't have an entire meal on your new blouse.
7. "On-the-go" eating is a dream you will never have.
Food trucks and hot dog stands will never be a safe place for you because they only bring the fear of a massive stain on your jacket or new jeans. Every time you go to a fair or farmers market you have a small fear in the back of your mind telling you that you're one step away from never getting to wear your favorite shirt ever again.
8. Dry clean only clothing is laughable.
You would seriously be spending all of your money to get an outfit cleaned twice a week because of your many trips and spills. Not only is it something you can't afford but also something that takes up some serious time out of your life.
9. You have a love/hate relationship with dipping sauces.
Darn you, BBQ sauce for my Chick-fil-A nuggets. You are so good to me, yet make every meal a disaster by ruining my look. Plus the lingering smell of whatever I ate for lunch on my right boob really kills any good vibes for the day. Friendships come and go, but stains last forever and you know this to be true if you, like me, are constantly fighting stains. It doesn't matter how hard you try.
You never know when you might spill something, but if you're like me then you know it is bound to happen at least once a day. While these things might be somewhat funny to think about it is more accurate than most would like to admit to thier everyday struggle to not make a mess.
