Well, congratulations: you've decided to become an English major! You're following your dreams, which is awesome. What's not so awesome is all the snarky comments you will be receiving every time you tell someone.
1. "Oh, so you're planning on being a teacher?"
No, I am not. I have never wanted to be a teacher in my life. I really don't get this assumption, because anyone in any major could become a teacher: a History major, a Biology major, a Math major, etc. But it's only English majors who get asked this question every time. I am sure some English majors want to be teachers, but not all of us!
2. "Yeah, I wanted to be a writer when I was little, too."
That is not a compliment. Many little kids want to be princes or princesses, and you saying you wanted to be a writer as a kid is like saying it's just as much of a fantasy as being royalty. It might be just as cool, but it's not as fictional.
3. "Wow, my parents would never let me major in something like that."
"Something like that?" Thanks for telling me how ridiculous you think my career aspirations are.
4. "What do you think the odds are of getting a job as an English major?"
Um, I don't know, the same odds for just about any job? There are a million jobs that an English major can get, because being great at writing and analysis is useful in almost any job. The CEO of Showtime Networks was an English major. BOOM.
5. "I'm also really into writing and literature, but I chose a more practical major so I can get a real job and maybe write on the side."
If you actually have the career goals of becoming a writer, then you would be an English major. Because it is a real job.
6. "So I guess money isn't a big motivator for you."
Literally my worst nightmare is being at some dead-end job I hate just to make money. Of course I worry about making enough to survive, but my main goal is to be happy in my career.
7. "You know the printed word is dead, right?"
Yeah, that's why schools still have kids study Charles Dickens, Jane Austen, William Shakespeare, Ernest Hemingway, Mark Twain, F. Scott Fitzgerald...
8. "The chances of becoming the next JK Rowling are like, one in a billion."
It's possible to be a successful writer without being JK Rowling. Also, someone has to be that one in a billion. I like to think English majors are more optimistic.
9. "I bet you read a lot! I hate reading."
Yeah, that's probably why I'm an English major and you aren't.
10. "Oh, you want to be a writer? Have you finished a book? Have you published anything?"
No? Have you become immediately successful in the career you're aiming for while still in college?
11. "Why don't you major in Communication or Journalism instead?"
Because I don't want to be a journalist and everyone and their mother is a Communication major.
12. "Can you edit my paper?"
No person I just met, I will probably not edit your paper. I have absolutely nothing better to do (I actually love editing papers, so I have no problem helping my friends, but it's weird when random people ask me).
13. "I bet you're one of those people who goes around correcting the different types of "your" or "their."
You know what? Yes, I do. You should learn basic grammar.
14. "You're lucky, that's one of the easy majors!"
Writing about three essays a week for three different classes is not "easy."
15. Tell me what book this quote is from.
Shockingly, I have not read and memorized every book ever.
16. What's your favorite book?
THAT'S THE HARDEST QUESTION IN THE WORLD. I HAVE SO MANY. Let's just say "Harry Potter," okay?
