10 Things To Never Say To An Asexual, From Two Supposedly Abstinent Plants
Politics and Activism

10 Things To Never Say To An Asexual, From Two Supposedly Abstinent Plants

Asexuality is a fairly unknown sexuality, and it is often misunderstood, which can lead to some incredibly infuriating situations.


Asexual, otherwise known as "ace" means someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Many people have misconceptions about asexuality along with the asexuality umbrella, and it can be frustrating. You can typically find asexuals of any type because they are normal people, just like everyone else.

So, to introduce ourselves:

My name is Angelica, I’m demisexual, meaning that I have no sexual attraction to anyone I have not formed a strong emotional bond with. I’m OK with being called ace, as that is what I am for most of the time.

My name is Henry, I’m on the gray-asexual spectrum, but I’ve gone by and felt ace for quite some time now. It’s kind of like saying I’m from up North instead of saying that I’m from New Jersey. Still the same spectrum, really. Romantically, I’ve recently discovered I was gay instead of aromantic, as I have found myself in my identity as a trans man.

1. You’re lying for attention.

Angelica: I worked so hard to avoid this statement. Most asexuals don’t just randomly label themselves. I was thinking about it for at least a year before I even came out to one friend. I had so many insecurities about the whole thing that to this day, I doubt myself but end up with the same conclusion.

Henry: Lying for attention looks more like Kelly from "The Office," constantly claiming to be pregnant. Someone’s sexuality is a facet of their identity, not something intentionally flashy (although people like me and Angelica are indeed fabulous).

2. Don’t knock it till you try it.

Angelica: Okay, I get this from some of my family members, and I guess I understand where they are coming from, but you do realize you usually stigmatize it, right? Even between adults? It can be downright hypocritical, and I feel like there’s something wrong with me as a result. Pick one please.

3. Doesn’t guy/gal look so hot?

Angelica: No, no thanks, we’ve actually had occasions when our friends will say this to us even though 99.99 percent of the time we have no opinion.

Henry: Nice to look at = time to make the babies? I don’t think so…

4. But you’re so attractive!

Angelica: Thanks! I don’t know what that’s supposed to help with. Am I forced to be unhappy so I can be with someone I didn’t want to be with in the first place?

Henry: This is also something some people tell us trans people. Just because someone’s outside opinion is that someone is pleasing to look at does not mean that this someone has to repress or ignore their own feelings and identity.

5. It’s just a phase.

Angelica: Cool, your heterosexuality is just a phase, too, thanks. I have the personal opinion of sexuality being fluid throughout a lifetime. Look, I’ve changed to identifying as demisexual, but otherwise I’m asexual.

6. I’m pretty sure it’s called “abstinence."

Angelica: Well, an asexual can be abstinent, but they don’t mean the same thing. They have no drive to have sex ever or often. An abstinent person will eventually, out of curiosity.

Henry: Abstinence implies a choice and restraint. Someone’s sexuality isn’t a choice, whether they’re gay, straight, bi, curious or ace.

7. Does that mean you’re a plant?

Angelica: I mean, I guess…

Henry: Yes. I’m so fly, one might call me a Venus fly trap.

8. You haven’t met the right person yet.

Angelica: Since I’m under the umbrella, this doesn’t really apply to me. Even if I find the right person, it takes a while for me to even consider that as an option. Besides, it’s dangerous (that does not mean it’s the devil’s work mind you).

Henry: One analogy I saw once that I think is a great equivalence to this proposition is in the case of allergies. Telling someone they haven’t met the right person is like telling someone with a deathly bee allergy that they haven’t been stung by the right bee yet.

9. So like, what about your boyfriend/girlfriend?

Angelica: That's the exception to the rule for me, but that doesn’t mean I care that much about the devil’s tango. The only reason I look like I care is that most likely you’ve traumatized me. Also if I have only a few partners in my lifetime, doesn’t that leave like thousands of more candidates that I don’t want to be with?

Henry: I didn’t realize until very recently that I was romantic at all, and now, I know that I like spending quality time with guys (but that doesn’t mean I want to spend time with them without clothes). Cuddles are just fine, thanks.

10. Well, you don't have to go flaunting it in other people's faces.

Angelica: I find that whenever I mention asexuality, it insults people. I wish it weren’t that way; it doesn’t mean anything bad. I don’t feel the need to stigmatize sexual people because all of it is normal. Personally, these are things that shouldn’t need to be mentioned; it is pervasive and inappropriate. I understand if there are misconceptions that you want to clear up, but asexuals still have a right to privacy.

Henry: I almost wish I were sexual just so I could go against stigmas against being promiscuous, but along with that comes stigmas for being asexual. The mere fact that I wish I were different shows how much work there is left to be done to break down more barriers. Telling an ace person some of these statements or even implying some of these sentiments can result in anything from slight anxiety to annoyance to outright breaking down. In the end, everyone should be respectful and empathetic towards others and their attractions.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

For a long time, Goya has been a staple in some Latino households. People carry around jars of Adobo when they eat at friend's houses and packets of Sazón Goya can be found in almost everyone's pantry. Many BuzzFeed lists, videos, and memes aimed at Latinos reference Goya somewhere.

But in a year that just keeps hitting us with bad news, Goya Foods CEO Robert Unanue said that Trump was an "incredible builder" and that the US was "blessed" to have him as president at a White House event on Thursday.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Everything You Need To Know About COVID-19 Outcomes, Because It Has To End Eventually

You've heard a lot of possible outcomes thrown around, let's break them down.

If you log into any social media app, you will be overwhelmed with self-appointed experts, preaching the correct way to end this coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic from the comfort of their La-Z-Boy chair. Aside from those dramatic children on TikTok, it's all anyone can talk about. There's an obvious reason for this — the pandemic has taken our world and flopped it on its head, bringing confusion, angst, and an obnoxious amount of sourdough bread into our lives.

All this to say, it's easy to get lost amidst the storm of arguments online. Instead, it's best to break down what's actually going on so we can have an educated perspective as we look to work together to move past our current predicament.

Keep Reading... Show less

Raven Baxter Was Our Favorite Teen Fashion Icon And We're Still Recreating Her Best Looks, Here

We take a look at Disney's most fashion-forward show to recreate some iconic looks.

Disney Plus

I grew up in the early 2000s. And, like any child at the time, I was hooked on Disney Channel shows. My favorite was and is "That's So Raven."

Raven is a teenage psychic navigating life in hopes of not revealing her powers. Only her family and close friends know she has them. Her powers oftentimes get her in trouble, which is where the comedy comes in. But, they also teach her and her friends sentimental life lessons.

Keep Reading... Show less

Sobriety is so underrated, even when it comes to healthcare. The instant gratification of a substance or drink isn't exactly as gratifying as some people may think. For those of you who've never been hungover, consider yourself lucky — a hangover is biologically horrifying. A hangover is not instant gratification, so who are we kidding when people say "it just feels good." Being healthy actually feels good and won't hurt you or your bank account in the morning. The best way to be healthy is to choose sobriety.

Keep Reading... Show less

Ah, yes. The juice cleanse. Yet another popular diet trend that promises to magically solve all of your health, nutrition, and weight issues.

When you take a close look, juice cleanses aren't as magical as they are made out to be, and in fact, they might do more harm than good.

Keep Reading... Show less

Unauthorized Plastic Surgery Is Totally Unethical, And Happening WAY More Often Than We Know ‬

Plastic surgery for cosmetic enhancements has you looking more botched than beautiful and it’s painful to see.

Coming from someone who could afford numerous cosmetic enhancing procedures I would never in a million years cut up my face or my body. I'm pretty emphatic and when I watch these brainwashed victims with bandages and chronic inflammation (swollen lips) I literally feel their pain.

Keep Reading... Show less

I've never been big on casual wear or athleisure. Most people who know me have never seen me in sweats. But, I do have those two or three pairs of sweats I can't resist climbing into the second I get home, the newest addition of which is the extra cozy Odyssey crewneck sweatshirt I got in an XL size to feel as close to being wrapped in a blanket at all times as possible.

In the past several months, I've started to expand my horizons, considering the ways in which I can bring my small wardrobe of comfortable bedroom clothing into the public. I've experimented with topping leggings and a sports bra with a denim jacket to the park, and an oversized sweatshirt worn as a dress, cinched at the waist with a belt when I'm out wearing leggings.

Keep Reading... Show less

How To Dress Like Your Favorite 'Insecure' Characters — Without Spending $2,000

We take a look at the fashion of Insecure season 4, and how you can create these looks yourself.


Insecure is one of my favorite shows ever. It really encapsulates what it's like being a Black 20-something, trying to navigate the many ups and downs of life. Issa, Molly, Kelli, and Tiffany are living their best lives in California while dealing with the twists and turns that come with that.

From life to relationships to careers, this show truly captures everything that runs through my mind on a daily basis. The show has a sense of realness and a strong frankness that makes you gravitate toward the characters and root for their success.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments