Coming home from college is always a much anticipated event. Any time at school after spring break feels like literal, physical torture.

Your parents can’t wait to see you, you can’t wait to shower without flip flops, and summer can’t come soon enough! But then you’re back in your hometown, around all of the people who knew you before college. No matter who they are, whether they’re former-teachers, high school friends, or distant relatives, they all ask you the same questions.

Here are the questions they ask, with answers that you should memorize for your convenience.

1) How do you like college?

"College is great. I love ____ (insert how much you love your roommate, being only a short walk from your friends, the frolf course on your campus…)."

2) How’s the cafeteria food?

"Nothing beats mom’s cooking, but it’s not bad. I especially like _____ (brunch in the cafe on weekends, always having access to pizza and french fries, etc…)."

3) Do you like your college town?

"Yeah, it’s a nice place. Not too big, not too small. My favorite thing is _____ (the rock climbing gym, the park, the trails I run on, your favorite 24-hour diner…)."

4) What do you do for fun there?

"(Refrain from telling them that all you ever do is study, go to sports practices, or party. Say something safe, like:) I love to play sand volleyball with my friends when the weather is nice."

5) What’s your major?

"It’s _____ (insert major here. Try not to sound snobby or snappy. Even if you have told 10,783 people 3,908 times…)."

6) What do you plan to do with that?

(No shame if you’re not sure, just say something along the lines of:) "I’m leaving my options open. Maybe grad school." (If you have a job lined up, you can mention that too. Impressive.)

7) Do you have a job?

a) "Yes, I do, at _____ (talk briefly about on-campus or off-campus employment. Again, impressive.)"

b) "No, I don’t. I’m really trying to focus on school and having a college experience."

8) Do you have a significant other?

a) "No, I’m focusing on me right now."

b) "Yes, I do." (Short and sweet, my friend, keep it short and sweet.)

9) If so, what is he or she like?

"He or she is great, thanks for asking." (Again, short and sweet.)

10) Are you happy to be home?

"Yes I am." (The answer to this question is always yes.) "And it’s so nice to see you."

Good luck with the interrogations.