Now that I'm entering my twenties and my college years are beginning to fly by, I'm starting to consider how fit I am for the real world. I've been living on my own for awhile now and to be honest, I'm just as clueless as ever. Sometimes, I feel like I'm just a very large toddler without any adult supervision. I really don't know as much as I should at this age. Maybe it's because I'm busy with my studies, or maybe it's because I'm not ready to grow up. Regardless, there are a lot of things that I should know how to do now that I'm getting older, and unfortunately I'm just as clueless as ever. So here are 36 things I'm not sure I'll ever be able to do or understand, no matter my age or maturity level.
11. Not surpass my drinking limits
12. Travel with only a small carry on suitcase
15. Be alone for more than an hour
18. Work a coffee pot that isn't a Keurig
19. Change a tire, add oil, or do anything else involving fixing my car
20. Match my foundation
21. Write checks
22. Take care of myself when sick
25. Budget my money
33. Do laundry before my entire closet is dirty
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I promise you did read that right. Not what you were expecting me to say, right? Who another person decides to marry will never in any way affect my own marriage whatsoever. Unless they try to marry the person that I want to, then we might have a few problems.
As a kid, I was raised, baptized, and confirmed into an old school Irish Catholic church in the middle of a small, midwestern town.
Not exactly a place that most people would consider to be very liberal or open-minded. Despite this I was taught to love and accept others as a child, to not cast judgment because the only person fit to judge was God. I learned this from my Grandpa, a man whose love of others was only rivaled by his love of sweets and spoiling his grandkids.
While I learned this at an early age, not everyone else in my hometown — or even within my own church — seemed to get the memo. When same-sex marriage was finally legalized country-wide, I cried tears of joy for some of my closest friends who happen to be members of the LGBTQ community.
I was happy while others I knew were disgusted and even enraged.
"That's not what it says in the bible! Marriage is between a man and a woman!"
"God made Adam and Eve for a reason! Man shall not lie with another man as he would a woman!"
"Homosexuality is a sin! It's bad enough that they're all going to hell, now we're letting them marry?"
Alright, Bible Bob, we get it, you don't agree with same-sex relationships. Honestly, that's not the issue. One of our civil liberties as United States citizens is the freedom of religion. If you believe your religion doesn't support homosexuality that's OK.
What isn't OK is thinking that your religious beliefs should dictate others lives.
What isn't OK is using your religion or your beliefs to take away rights from those who chose to live their life differently than you.
Some members of my church are still convinced that their marriage now means less because people are free to marry whoever they want to. Honestly, I wish I was kidding. Tell me again, Brenda how exactly do Steve and Jason's marriage affect yours and Tom's?
It doesn't. Really, it doesn't affect you at all.
Unless Tom suddenly starts having an affair with Steve their marriage has zero effect on you. You never know Brenda, you and Jason might become best friends by the end of the divorce. (And in that case, Brenda and Tom both need to go to church considering the bible also teaches against adultery and divorce.)
I'll say it one more time for the people in the back: same-sex marriage does not affect you even if you or your religion does not support it. If you don't agree with same-sex marriage then do not marry someone of the same sex. Really, it's a simple concept.
It amazes me that I still actually have to discuss this with some people in 2017. And it amazes me that people use God as a reason to hinder the lives of others.
As a proud young Catholic woman, I wholeheartedly support the LGBTQ community with my entire being.
My God taught me to not hold hate so close to my heart. He told me not to judge and to accept others with open arms. My God taught me to love and I hope yours teaches you the same.
Disclaimer - This article in no way is meant to be an insult to the Bible or religion or the LGBTQ community.
Even in the darkest times of our lives, some good can always come out of it. It can happen anywhere, whether that be the loss of a friend, a family member who passed away, not getting the promotion you wanted, etc, but life always throws us a curveball.
We think that our life is over until one good thing happens that will change our lives forever. The story that I wrote below is based on a true story of how my friend met his partner. It shows that even in dark times, the light always finds a way to shine through.
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I stood there as I watched my father wail over my mother’s grave. Watching him collapse to his knees on the freshly cut grass and grabbing ahold of the lifeless gravestone only made matters worse. His cries caught the ears of others who were visiting their already gone family members. They seemed to be concerned at first, but then pitied my father as they watched him rest his tearful face onto the gravestone.
I glanced to see that my family was crying, as well. My youngest sibling threw his face into my uncle’s coat, as soft, muffled cries began to leave his mouth. My eldest sister kept wiping away tears, each time she would feel them start to leave her eyes. This doesn’t surprise me. My sister never was the type of person to show emotion, which I’m pretty sure is why she is still living at home at the age of 27.
I tried to cry. I tried to feel pain. I tried to feel sorrow. But I didn’t want to feel those things. I didn’t feel these ways towards my mother. Of course, I did love her because I’m not a heartless asshole, like my father thinks I am. It’s just that my mother and I had our differences. We were so close when I was younger because I couldn’t think for myself and she was in control. Around the time I was 18, things started to spiral out of control. I became more independent, I went to college to pursue my career, and my mother was not a fan of my choices. Especially after I met Jordan.
Jordan was the nicest guy I had met when I went to college. I’m pretty sure he was a junior while I was a freshman at the time. I had met him when I went on the campus tour. He was one of the tour guides showing us around the dorms. I had gone by myself to campus that day since I did not want my mother or father to place their opinions on the school. They are both very entitled to their own opinion, but I’ve learned over the years just to ignore that part of them.
After the tour, Jordan and I started to talk about campus things and then we happened to mention other topics and next thing I knew, two-and-a-half hours had passed. We continued to talk more as I finished up high school. He helped get set up in my dorm and continued to show me around campus and some of the great places off the campus grounds. At first, I thought Jordan was just being very friendly with me since I was new, but all of that changed around the time of spring break.
I decided not to go home for the break, since my mother and I had an argument on the phone the night before I was meant to leave to head home. I felt it was best since I did not want to have a tense house when I went back. Jordan had come by my dorm one day and we hung out like we normally did. But, something felt different that day. The air seemed lighter and the sun looked as if it were dancing in the skies. I can’t recall most of what we did that day, but it wasn’t until Jordan asked me one simple question that I snapped back into reality. Jordan asked me out that night with flowers and I couldn’t have been happier.
This is where my relationship with my mother really took a turn for the worst. My mother does not do well with a lot of things, but relationships were something that she took pride in. She pretty much controlled my sister’s life when she dated Shawn. My mother had ruined them because, just after three months, Shawn broke up her since my mother was "too clingy." I mean, he wasn't wrong. My mother liked to have her say in shit that had nothing to do with her.
So, when I brought Jordan home one summer day, she was delighted to hear that I had found somebody that would make me happy and that she couldn’t wait to see the lovely lady. I was a goner. I knew my mother was going to flip when Jordan walked through the doors. I wasn’t dumb. I knew my mother. I had not come out to her or anything because I knew she would not approve, but this was my only way to show her who I truly was.
Dinner that night was the most awkward meal I had in my life. Thankfully, my dad was at least making an effort to speak with Jordan about life, but my mother refused to look at him. I noticed this at the end of dinner and I thought my mother was better than that. She always told me that "if I did not like someone, I still need to give them the same respect as anybody else." And my mother was not following her own advice. I had enough of this and I needed to end this feud with my mother right away.
After Jordan left, it was pure chaos. Shouting and shouting and shouting. We both swung our claws at each other, trying to make the other see our side, but nothing got resolved. It was just a battlefield that seemed to have no victory in sight. My mother did not do well in confrontational experiences, but on this night, she was ready like she had been planning to say things to me. We had arguments before, but we always came back and apologize, even though we did not mean anything. But that night was the last straw. It’s hard when your mother says she never wanted a homo as a son. It hits you like a knife and you just can’t heal from the wound.
Mother and I lost contact after that night and it was hard, at first. We never called or texted one another. My father had to tell me everything that was going on. Next thing I knew, five years had gone by and I was out of college, leaving with Jordan, and we could not be happier. Jordan and I had big plans for our future and neither of us cared what others thought. Jordan’s family was more accepting than my mother was and it felt good to have that support system I never had growing up.
Things got worse again when my father called me one day and gave me my mother’s condition. I knew she wasn’t doing well and I needed to visit her. I had to. She was my mother. It was going to be tense between us, but I wanted to see her. My mother seemed to be a bit more light when I saw her. She was actually looking at Jordan and speaking with him. We both were very impressed and excited about this change in my mother. I felt bad since it took her until she was sick to finally open up. So we felt that we should tell her the news, which she did not take very well.
My mother exploded as tears fell down her face and screamed for the nurses to take her out of her misery. Jordan and I were trapped inside the room because of all of the paramedics, so we had to witness my own mother say she did not want a child from us. At this point, I lost all sympathy for my mother. How could someone not want a child? Jordan, his sister Emily, and I had made the decision to have Emily as our surrogate. We wanted a child that was both of ours and we felt that we were ready. My mother could not appreciate the fact that we were wanting to start a family and keep both of our bloodlines growing. It was a shot to the heart when she continued to scream slurs at us, but Jordan finally pushed me out of the room, with my father telling me that he was proud of me.
Coming home from the funeral was a relief. Jordan and I were exhausted as we had offered to take care of my father in this dark time. We had dropped him and my siblings off at the house before we crashed at our own. It was only 11:37 but we were so drained that we wanted to do nothing, but sleep. 12:12, our phone rang. Jordan was the first to pick it up as he had already gotten up to get his lunchtime coffee. As he answered, he tried to sound like he wasn’t exhausted. His eyes suddenly grew larger, and I laughed to myself, thinking the coffee finally kicked in.
He thanked the person on the other line and set down his coffee. His eyes were sparkling and did not know what to expect. He ran to me and whipped me off of the couch to hug me. I hugged back but I had no idea what was going on. He broke the embrace to look me in the eyes. I smiled back at his lit up face and asked who was on the phone. He smiled and told me that his sister was going into labor.
I couldn’t help but hug him again even tighter. We were going to parents and that was the best news I had heard in a long, long time.
* * *
Good things are sure to come, even if you do not believe that they will. It may take some patience, but everything happens for a reason. That is why we all must wait and be ready for when that light in our life finally hits us.