As you all may know, American Horror Story is slowly taking over the world...and I'm ok with it. Granted "Freak Show" was a random series of events that didn't really connect with some lobster hands thrown in there, and "Hotel" was really one big giant orgy featuring Lady Gaga's booty and Darren Chris covered in blood but still...Thankfully, writers have really stepped it up with the latest season "My Roanoke Nightmare," giving the audience some old school scares and disturbing violence that kicks it old school...like all the way back to season one old school. So naturally, with sticking through the ups and downs of the series, I've learned a few things.
1. Evan Peters Is God.
It doesn't matter if he's a sociopath mass murder or a circus laggie with lobster claws...he will always have my heart. I'm pretty sure there isn't a character he can't play. In fact, every season my roommate and I eagerly wait for him to make his grand entrance and never fail to scream the whole time.
2. Lady Gaga is God.
Really...I mean have you seen her? She's pretty much #Halloweengoals for all time.
3. When It Rains Teeth, It's Time To Leave.
As if this point wasn't obvious enough, American Horror Story has only further established that listening to your gut and the scientifically probable is the best way to stay alive.
4. Invest In A Good Pair Of Running Shoes.
Chances are you'll find yourself running through the forest chased by pilgrims and a man wearing a pig head, so treat yo' self and get those Nikes. You'll probably need them.
5. If Your Name Could Be Used To Spell "Murder," Change It.
Yes as exhibited by the terrifying twins killing people to spell out "murder," one could simply avoid the entire fiasco by changing your name. Safe options range from Tina, Cindy, and Beatrice.
6. Enjoy The Ride.
Much like good ole AHS, life is crazy. Embrace and go with the flow. You never know what will be lurking around the next corner or in a hidden passage way, so put a brave face and take it as it comes.
