13 Things I Wish I Would Have Told You On That Walk
Arts Entertainment

13 Things I Wish I Would Have Told You On That Walk

My words fell silent, but there was so much more kept inside that I wish I had the guts to tell you. So now, swallowing my pride, I'm speaking my truth.

Holly Tweed

Silent. Head-down. Nod.

One foot in front of the other. Breathe.

Don't say too much.

It's a coping mechanism for me. Silent is bold. But, bold, would have been saying what I wanted to when I had the chance to say it. Bold is not blowing your chance at letting someone know how you feel. Bold — I wanted to be bold — but I was everything but. I stayed silent. Hurting on the inside, wanting to beg and plead, yet incredibly thankful that you gave me a chance to talk one more time.

Scared to come off clingy, worried of making you feel more guilty, and closed-off so I wouldn't show my true feelings, I didn't get the closure that I wanted — even though you were nice enough to give me the opportunity. True closure would have been letting you know how I truly felt about you, since I was too scared to show it while we were seeing each other it. It would have been showing you the real me, letting you know all the things I should have told you before, and asking all the questions I had burning in the back of my mind. Closure. That would have been closure.

Although I wish that closure didn't have to happen, I guess it does. So here it goes.

1. Yes, it sucked

Although you asked me countless times how I was actually doing with it or how it actually made me feel, I couldn't find the courage to tell you that it sucks, and that it does actually hurt. I put on my tough face; my protective face. I didn't want to tell you that I was hurt because I didn't want you to feel bad about doing what you thought was the right thing to do. It sounded like you were already hurt, and I didn't want to make it worse. Not only that, but I didn't want to look like a fool for being hurt over something that was so short lived.

2. I should have asked you how YOU are

I mean, I did ask you how you were doing — over and over. But I should have asked more. I should have kept asking until I got a truthful answer. Clearly not everything was, or is, rainbows and butterflies if this is where we're standing now. I wish I would have asked until I got a genuine answer.

3. I wish I was more "me" around you

I wish I would've let my guard down and let you see who I truly am. I'm just too insecure with who I really am, that when I meet new people, I have to act like a perfectly put together housewife, one who doesn't know how to not take life too seriously. Sure, that's part of me, but that's not the majority. I laugh, make jokes, have dance parties in a cornfield, jam out to music a little too much in my car, and make sex jokes at all the wrong times. I think you would've liked that side of me. I'm sorry I was too shy and scared to show it — I didn't want to let another person in, just to get hurt again.

4. I had a lot of questions 

A lot of questions, and I maybe only asked four. Is there another girl? Was it because I wasn't affectionate enough? (I am very affectionate, I just didn't want to be too pushy or accidentally go too fast and scare you off). Were you bored? Since all we ever did was watch movies?

There's some things I wish I got the answer to, but other's, I find content in the words you did give me.

5. I wanted to beg you to stay

I did. I really did. I know it looked like I didn't care, but I did. I would have begged you to stay.. but that's not my style. I won't — I can't — beg someone to stay if I knew that they would be more happy gone. I'm not that selfish. I believe in people doing what they believe is best and will benefit them best; I believe when you care about someone, you care about wanting to make them happy no matter how it makes you feel. So yes, I wanted to beg you to stay — I want you to stay or comeback, or whatever it would be called. The door is always open for you.

6. Thank you

Thank you for agreeing to talk with me, even though you didn't have to. Thank you for being so caring and truly wondering how I was actually doing because you weren't going to accept the front that I was putting on. Thank you for being so geniunely sweet and caring these past two months and for letting me enjoy the time I did get with you. Thank you for being a true gentleman, because they don't come around often. Thank for allowing me the two months. I am very grateful.

7. How amazing you actually are, because I feel like I never told you

You truly are an amazing human being, and it showed with how much you cared about how I was doing after the fact; it showed with the fact that you were willing to take time out of your day to talk to me in person, even though we weren't seeing each other for very long. You were very sweet and accepting of anything I told you. You didn't ask me to stop hanging out with my guys friends or roll your eyes at the sound of them, and I appreciate that more than words can express. You are such a sweet, caring, and understanding man and I was extremely lucky to even get a shot with you.

8. My favorite things about you

The way you sang in the car and aren't afraid to be goofy — like when you showed off a double chin like it was your best asset. The smirk and grin you do that's just so adorable. I can't get enough of it. Or the fact that you make talking about the nerdiest of subjects so interesting and cute — the most boring of subjects, like early hominids, I could listen to you talk about all day.

I love that you love sushi and, oddly enough, one of my favorite things is when you talked about the salad your mom makes that you love. I so enjoyed listening to your childhood stories and about all your friends, and that sheepish laugh you do when you tell a memory that brings you back.

9. You deserve someone SO very good

You do. You truly do. You are so kind and sweet, and oh so very gentle. You tell it like it is and you're brave enough to have these tough conversations in person. You're smart and thorough. I could go on and on about why you deserve someone so very good, but I think this describes article says it all.

10. I cared even if I didn't show it

I cared. I really did. I promise I'm not heartless. Not only does it just come natural for me to bury away my feelings and act untouched, but I also did it for the sake of you. I know that it probably wasn't easy for you to have this talk with me or to tell me these things to begin with, so I didn't want you to feel worse about it than you already probably did. I know you already felt guilty and I didn't want to make you feel worse. But, since I'm being honest, I really did care and it really did hurt.

11. I wanted that hug

I wanted that hug. I was just too deep into thought because I didn't want to say "goodbye" quiet yet. I wanted to keep talking, I still had so much left to say. I was so deep into thought that I was caught off guard and I'm sorry, I feel like an asshole. Thank you for the hug; I wanted it. I wish I would have hugged back.

12. I wanted to walk longer

I wanted to walk longer because I wanted more time with you. I wanted more time, maybe so I could work up the courage to say how I was actually feeling, but more so because I just didn't want you to leave. I didn't want our last time seeing each other to end. I like your company and I wanted to keep it. I wanted to walk around and talk about life, make random conversation, and just talk like we used to — because I always did love just talking to you and the conversations we had.

13. I hope we can remain friends

I hope we can remain friends because I would miss our conversations. I thoroughly just enjoyed talking with you, laughing, and hanging out, and I hope that won't stop now. Even if we weren't as close, I do hope you know that you can come to me for anything, any time. I'm always an open ear and willing to help when you need to rant, scream, or just get away. I hope you'll let me be a friend.

Know there's always a spot waiting for you. You're one of a kind.

I truly do hope that life is going well for you. I genuinely hope that us ending things has made you happier and more free, free to experience your freshman year of college the way that you should. I hope that life is treating you well, and you always know where to find me if you ever do need me.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

While parts of the U.S. are beginning to re-open after months in quarantine, the future of date nights at home is still bright — because, let's face it, wearing masks to a fancy restaurant with your boo in the coming months just doesn't sound fun.

So, if you're looking to have a little romantic fun indoors, we've got just the games for you. Click through the slideshow below for 11 couples games that'll help you two become closer than ever.

Keep Reading... Show less

I've always been interested in any product that can get me the Jennifer Lopez-esque natural glow. I'm Indian and have medium-toned skin, so getting darker was never really the goal. Rather, I've always looked for a product that would even out my skin tone and cellulite, basically making my legs look Photoshopped.

Now more than ever we're craving that healthy, tan glow most of us only get after spending a week poolside with margarita in hand. We may not be spending an SPF-soaked summer hitting on our local lifeguards. But when we're going on socially-distanced walks outside, taking viral-worthy selfies, or just want to test out the best self-tanners for when you do finally get to show off all the bikinis you binge-purchased through your quarantine boredom, these are the best to ways to glow up, no matter your shade of skin, whether you have uber-sensitive eczema-ridden skin, or just want J-Lo glow, smooth legs.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Quarantine Checkup Week 10: It's Officially Summer, Even In Quarantine

An Odyssey panel discussion about all things quarantine.

Thanks to coronavirus (COVID-19), most of the United States has gone into its own version of quarantine. While no one loves this new way of life we're adjusting to, it's the necessity that will eventually help us fling open our front doors and frolic freely once again!

Premature thinking? Maybe. But while we're in the midst of this quarantine time, we're chatting about the most terrifying, the funniest, and the weirdest thing that quarantine has forced us into recently.

Keep Reading... Show less

13 Father's Day Shirts Under $30 To Gift The Dad Wearing The Same Two Every Day In Quarantine

You've been begging him to change it up, and now he won't have a choice.

Let's be honest: most of our dads are wearing the same shirts today that they probably wore while changing our diapers and holding our hands as we learned to walk. Sure, we love them for it. But whether you're quarantined with him wearing the same two shirts on rotation every week, or every time you FaceTime him, you know what he'll be wearing before he answers the phone, he needs to add some new items to his wardrobe rotation.

And you know dads — they'll feel guilted into using practically anything you were to give them. But these shirts are sure-fire ways to get him to switch up his wardrobe, and he'll be more than excited to wear each and every one of them. Plus, most of them are under twenty dollars, so no harm in dropping more than a couple in to your cart and letting Dad have his pick of his favorites.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Sat Down (Virtually) With Hollis Tuttle To Talk About Coronavirus's Impact On The Wellness Industry

Just because coronavirus has greatly impacted the wellness industry doesn't mean wellness stops.

If you're anything like me, your weekly fitness classes are a huge part of your routine. They keep me fit, healthy, and sane. Honestly, these classes help my mental health stay in tip-top shape just as much as they help my physical health.

Due to the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, gyms and fitness studios are facing temporary closure. Yes, this means my personal routine is thrown a curveball, but this also means the wellness industry is one of many that is looking at unemployment and hardship. Do I miss my Monday spin class? Of course. But do the wellness professionals whose worlds were flipped upside down have a lot more to overcome than a slight change of routine? Absolutely. Thankfully, if anyone can prove the ultimate flexibility, it's the wellness industry.

Keep Reading... Show less

My Boyfriend Has Changed Since Quarantine Began, And I Don't Know What To Do

"All he says is 'I love you,' which is great and all but OMG I can't get anything else out of him."

Each week Swoonie B will give her advice on anonymous topics submitted by readers. Want to Ask Swoonie B something related to dating and relationships? Fill out this form here — it's anonymous.

Dear Swoonie B,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, which has been the best year of my life (as far as i know). Well we go to different schools and are both very involved in sports and school activities which makes it hard to see each other. During this quarantine it is especially hard. Since we haven't seen each other in over a week things are kind of tense. He won't really talk to me much and I always check in on him to make sure he is doing well and to just see how he is, ya know being a girlfriend. Well apparently that is driving him crazy and I don't understand how. I'm not being controling or clingy, i'm just checking in on him. While this is happening, I also have noticed how he just doesn't really care anymore. I'll leave him paragraphs of sweet love letters to wake up to and I encourage him throughout his day but I just don't get it in return. I love him with all of me and I obviously care about him a lot. Also, I've compared how he talked to me before all of this has happened. He was so sweet and caring, texting me a lot and telling me he loves me and just making sure everything is OK but he doesn't do that anymore. All he says is "I love you," which is great and all but OMG I can't get anything else out of him. He is a little stressed at home with trying to find another job to pay for his car, constantly having to do things for his mom, being responsible for his siblings, and managing school. I know thats a lot but im doing a lot too right now and going through a lot of the same stuff he is but It seems to me he just does not care and i don't know what to do. Please help me or give me some advice on what to say, what not to say, what to do, what not to do. Anything at this point will help. Thank you!

If I had a dollar for every time I heard "these are unprecedented times," I'd be rich. But that's because it's true!

Keep Reading... Show less
Tower 28

On paper, Amy Liu appears to be one of the most intimidating women in the beauty business. Not only did she launch her beauty marketing career at legendary Smashbox Cosmetics, she went on to lead luxury, high-end brands like Kate Somerville and Josie Maran — just to name a few.

But sitting down to meet Liu for the first time in an underground New York bar over a year ago felt like meeting a friend I'd known since childhood. As she walked into the bar in a chic red dress, it was impossible not to feel her immediate warm presence. When she talks about her history as an entrepreneur (and truly, at heart, she always was one), you don't get the sense that she's selling you anything, though with her impeccable taste, I'd use anything that had her glowing review attached to it.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments