If you ask a man, "When was the last time a stranger told you, you would be more handsome if you smiled?", they would probably look at you in amused disbelief.

"Never" would most likely be the resounding answer.

If you ask a woman the last time she was told "You would be prettier if you smiled," almost undoubtedly she could rattle off a recent time - or at the very least, a time that it has happened to her.

For me it happened just this evening, as I stood in the weight room re-racking my dumbbells. Upon turning around, I nearly collided with an older gentleman. After I apologized, a brief but polite conversation ensued. While this was nothing of great excitement, it suddenly took a personal turn when he smiled at me and remarked, "I've seen you around here quite a bit. You know, you would be prettier if you smiled."

HOLD. THE. PHONE.

This isn't the first time it has happened to me; when I worked in a restaurant, certain customers would come up and comment on the state of my unsmiling face as I performed basic tasks: taking a phone order, sorting tickets, or wiping down stations (silly me - I forgot an expressionless face was an ugly face). Either way, this conversation was not new to me. But tonight, as I stood there looking at this man dumbfounded, I found myself thinking: are there "rules" to smiling, and if so - do they only apply to women?

While I ask the question tongue-in-cheek, it does bring up questions of beauty and gender. (Some people, I'm sure, would frown at this feminist route, but I assure you - this is not an attack on the male population. I have had women tell me the same thing, but that experience is significantly less.) While I am a happy and social person, I have never felt the need to keep a smile on my face at all moments of the day; I have definitely never felt the need to smile while working out. Nonetheless, there is an assumption that a woman's goal is to appear attractive to others at all times, and one way to achieve this is via smiling - that she requires interception in her daily life to remind her that this is the goal. Some may argue that this statement is simply because a friendly face is more attractive. Smiling implies happiness and friendliness - right? While I don't argue this, I do wonder: if this is the case, how often are men told to smile more? I can only imagine how some would respond if this comment were dropped in front of them.

While a discussion of gender can always go deeper, I am using this article as a quick public service announcement for those who feel the need to comment on female facial expressions. I have been with my face for twenty-three years. We have seen many tans, many zits, many frowns, many tears, many laugh lines. And yes, we have seen many smiles, too. While I appreciate concern for my appearance and how others perceive me, I can confidently say that I am okay with people finding me less attractive when my face is in its relaxed state. Trust me - it won't keep me up at night.

So to all the people out there (guy at the gym - I'm thinking of you right now): before you decide to "compliment" a female with this comment...

...just don't.

Sincerely,

Women Everywhere