Am I the only person that actually envisions their anxiety as like having a distinct persona? Like my anxiety is that stereotypical mean girl that knows everything and likes to remind you of the things that you can't do! Whether I'm at school or work, my anxiety homegirl is there. She's annoying, she's mean, and this is how I imagine myself standing up to my anxiety.
1. *listening to James Taylor
Me: This is a great day, this is good music, the sun is shining...
Anxiety: Start crying.
Okay so I'm enjoying my day, feeling pretty good with myself, and I'm listening to James Taylor and the music just literally takes over and I start crying... at the library... writing a research paper. Anxiety makes me emotional. Sometimes it just gets you in the feels for no reason at all.
2. Me: I want to rent this book.
Anxiety: But you've never rented at this library before.
Me: You're right.
Yep, my anxiety is at that person that likes to remind you of things you can't do. The stereotypical mean girl of highschool. But when your brain starts doing this, bite back!
3. Anxiety: Hey! Hey you!
Me: Not right now, Anxiety. I'm at the bar.
Anxiety: Remember that time your hair fell out?
Like I said, my anxiety likes to remind me of all the bad things including that time my hair fell out... THANK YOU ANXIETY. THANK YOU. HOW COULD I EVER FORGET?
4. *Me shopping
Anxiety: I mean, yeah. You can buy that dress but what if you lose your job tomorrow?
The conversation then ends as my brain proceeds into a eight-hour scenario in which I convince myself I am fired for no reason at all.
5. Me: Hello, (various names of co-workers, managers, supervisors) am I fired?
Everyone at Work: LOL. What?
Me: Sorry, my anxiety is talking to me again.
6. * 4 a.m.
Me: My (various organs) hurts.
Anxiety: Hey guess what? Hey guess what? Hey guess what? You are dying LOL. Have fun sleeping!
I then use the bathroom 15 times, Google every disease, and then wake Mom up and ask her if we met the insurance deductible so that I can go to the ER for no reason other than my anxiety told me I was dying.
7. *Googles Putin memes
Me: (uncontrollable laughter)
Anxiety: Did you hear that knock? I bet it is the FBI.
Yeah, my anxiety likes to tell me that I'm getting deported so what else is new?
8. Me: Man, I bet I did really well on that test!
Anxiety: Nah. I bet you failed.
You know when you think you know all the answers and you are pretty confident? Yep. Not me.