These Are Actual Conversations I've Had With My Anxiety

These Are Actual Conversations I've Had With My Anxiety

Sometimes you just have to answer that annoying little voice.
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Am I the only person that actually envisions their anxiety as like having a distinct persona? Like my anxiety is that stereotypical mean girl that knows everything and likes to remind you of the things that you can't do! Whether I'm at school or work, my anxiety homegirl is there. She's annoying, she's mean, and this is how I imagine myself standing up to my anxiety.


1. *listening to James Taylor

Me: This is a great day, this is good music, the sun is shining...

Anxiety: Start crying.



Okay so I'm enjoying my day, feeling pretty good with myself, and I'm listening to James Taylor and the music just literally takes over and I start crying... at the library... writing a research paper. Anxiety makes me emotional. Sometimes it just gets you in the feels for no reason at all.


2. Me: I want to rent this book.

Anxiety: But you've never rented at this library before.

Me: You're right.

Anxiety: Muhahahaha.


Yep, my anxiety is at that person that likes to remind you of things you can't do. The stereotypical mean girl of highschool. But when your brain starts doing this, bite back!


3. Anxiety: Hey! Hey you!

Me: Not right now, Anxiety. I'm at the bar.

Anxiety: Remember that time your hair fell out?



Like I said, my anxiety likes to remind me of all the bad things including that time my hair fell out... THANK YOU ANXIETY. THANK YOU. HOW COULD I EVER FORGET?





4. *Me shopping

Anxiety: I mean, yeah. You can buy that dress but what if you lose your job tomorrow?


The conversation then ends as my brain proceeds into a eight-hour scenario in which I convince myself I am fired for no reason at all.


5. Me: Hello, (various names of co-workers, managers, supervisors) am I fired?

Everyone at Work: LOL. What?

Me: Sorry, my anxiety is talking to me again.


This is basically me everyday at work. I even call up there when I'm off to make sure I wasn't fired!



6. * 4 a.m.

Me: My (various organs) hurts.

Anxiety: Hey guess what? Hey guess what? Hey guess what? You are dying LOL. Have fun sleeping!


I then use the bathroom 15 times, Google every disease, and then wake Mom up and ask her if we met the insurance deductible so that I can go to the ER for no reason other than my anxiety told me I was dying.


7. *Googles Putin memes

Me: (uncontrollable laughter)

Anxiety: Did you hear that knock? I bet it is the FBI.


Yeah, my anxiety likes to tell me that I'm getting deported so what else is new?


8. Me: Man, I bet I did really well on that test!

Anxiety: Nah. I bet you failed.


You know when you think you know all the answers and you are pretty confident? Yep. Not me.




Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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What It's Like To Have Social Anxiety

It's more than just being shy.

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Growing up, I always just thought I was a shy person. In elementary school, I realized I had a speech impediment or a stutter. I had my mom order for me at restaurants for a pretty good amount of time, I absolutely hated speaking in front of people, and I never really spoke in class unless I got called on. Even that, I dreaded.

As I got older, my stuttering got better. However, I began to notice it would get worse at times where I was nervous or anxious around people. For years, I didn't really think that much of it.

Until things weren't getting better.

Looking back, I can see that around the age of 16 is when my social anxiety really started to make a big impact on my life. It's natural for people to get a little bit of anxiety when doing presentations. But I would have full-blown anxiety attacks in my seat before I had to get up in front of my class.

I vividly remember in my English class junior year, being in the middle of speaking during an in-class debate and suddenly being so out of breath.

I started pausing every few words to try and take deep breaths, but I would look at my classmates and my heart began to race. I just kept thinking to myself, "I'm making a fool out of myself" and "I wonder if they can tell I'm shaking". That's what it was like for me every time I had to get up in front of people. I hated the feeling of being vulnerable.

Another incident happened in class where I was texting my mom that I was having an anxiety attack and couldn't breathe, all because I had to get up in front of my class a recite a short poem.

Soon, my social anxiety started affecting other aspects of my life, not just school. When I got my first job at 16, I was a hostess at a restaurant. On the way to my first day, I called my mom in my car crying because I didn't want to have to talk to strangers or answer the phone. I was afraid of messing up or sounding dumb and what other people would think. I didn't want to embarrass myself. 3 years later, I'm still at the same restaurant where I'm now a server and have never left this place because I've built up security there. I'm too afraid to get a new job because I would have to start all over.

Even to this day, I struggle immensely with social anxiety. Being a freshman in college is a major adjustment for me because I'm not used to doing things by myself. I mean, it was only this past summer that I went to a public place by myself for the first time. It's challenging because a lot of the time, doing everyday things make me incredibly anxious.

A lot of people don't understand the mental strength it takes for someone with social anxiety to go out by themselves. I can't speak for others, but I know that for me it's embarrassing to get so anxious about it. There have been multiple times this past semester that I haven't eaten because I've been too afraid to get food by myself, even at a vendor.

To help others understand, I always compare it to the feeling you get when you're walking up the stairs at your house in the dark. You feel like there's someone watching you even though you know there isn't. that's what it's like to go out in public. I know people aren't looking at me, but I feel like every single pair of eyes is on me. Watching my every move, saying things to themselves.

Even though every day is a struggle, I am making small steps towards being able to control it. But a big part of that is having people around me who know that I'm not just shy or antisocial. I want to go out and have fun. It just takes a little time.

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