The whole “coming out” thing has never appealed to me. While I know it’s a rite of passage of sorts and I have complete respect for the ones who feel it is necessary, I’ve always been more of an “it’s no one’s business but mine and it will happen naturally” kind of dude. Unfortunately, I was sort of “tricked” into coming out to my family, but I’m extremely fortunate that everyone in my immediate family accepted me with no negative repercussions.
With that in mind, it’s important for the younger generation to understand and know that you should never feel pressured to admit your sexuality to the world unless you feel it’s important and it’s time for you to do so. Although I was sort of “outed” by a family member in my twenties in that moment of trickery, it was still unknown to most of my extended family. I’m sure there were plenty who suspected something or already knew the obvious but thankfully I was never placed into a situation where I was made to feel uncomfortable or threatened, even if there was already an aura of “gay suspicion” surrounding me.
Despite being outed in my twenties, I did not “officially” come out until my thirties, and that was only because I was unable to figure out a way to change my relationship status without announcing it to the world. I’d say nearly 100 percent of my friends and family on social media were thrilled that I had entered into a relationship. In fact, I believe only one, maybe two people unfriended me when the news blasted across social media, and one of those people sent me a friend request again months later.
To know that I had such a strong outpouring of support and acceptance from friends, acquaintances, and family was a deeply comforting and reassuring thought. For those that may not agree with my lifestyle but chose not to unfriend me, I’m glad they were able to put aside their differences and simply accept something that shouldn’t even be necessary to declare.
Even the most confident person probably experiences a teensy amount of dread in having to face the scrutiny of the world because of who he or she chooses to love. However, I believe it’s even harder when one is younger and has to process the various emotions and experiences that come attached to it and there is still a lack of maturity to know how to deal with them. Hence, if it means having to take a little more time than what’s customary, take the time you need.
In a perfect world “coming out” wouldn’t even be necessary, but it’s important to never feel like it’s something that needs to be done on a certain schedule or by a certain age. Whether you’re a teenager, a twentysomething, or someone in their thirties, do it when you feel the time is right for you. If that means not having to share the news with the world, that’s perfectly fine too. There is no blueprint for coming out nor is everyone required to do so.
