A Theory About Christmas Lights
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A Theory About Christmas Lights

I've finally cracked under finals. Help.

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A Theory About Christmas Lights
Wikipedia Commons

Finals week has given me lots of room to procrastinate.

Between 2 exams, 3 final papers, and a project this week alone, you can imagine how one's mind starts to become curious about any and everything not-academic. I've spent much of my downtime wandering my apartment drinking coffee and staring at my roommate and I's beautiful Christmas decorations. We've got a little Christmas tree, poinsettias, angels, and lights everywhere. I was especially admiring the twinkling lights on our table when my phone buzzed. A text from a friend, perhaps? Not a chance. Just the electronic power bill for the month. Meh.

Seems simple enough. I opened it, saw it was about $59 bill. Awesome! That's like, half the price of last month. Lit.

Back to staring at the lights. Ahhhh, so peaceful. *ignores responsibilities*

Suddenly....it hits me.

My November power bill was pretty cheap because the colder weather makes you use less power because you need the AC less...

I pulled my email back up. My eyes dart back and forth between the small bill and the beautiful, once seemingly innocent, Christmas lights.

I then began to wonder, why the heck we do we put lights up all over our houses during the month of December? Yes, it looks pretty, but surely nowhere in the bible does it mention decorating your house with lights...

WAIT A MINUTE.

CHRISTMAS LIGHTS ARE A SCAM CREATED BY POWER COMPANIES TO TRY TO COMPENSATE FOR THE MONEY THEY LOSE IN WINTER MONTHS.

It all started to make sense. We all fawn over Christmas lights. We have been systemically conditioned over years to love "oohing" and "ahhing" over a bunch of parallel circuits. It's madness, people.

SO anyway. The moral of the story, is I've officially cracked under the stress of finals. Please continue to enjoy your lights, but, basically, everything is a scam and Illuminati confirmed.

Merry Christmas! <3

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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