The holidays are over, and the magic of Christmas has faded. New Year's resolutions have already begun to fail, and mistakes for this year are starting to pile up. That's why I want to talk about my journey in 2018 and how I want to CONTINUE it this year.
Since I was about 13 years old, I have believed lie after lie that Satan has bombarded me with: you're ugly, fat, unloved, worthless, and insignificant. After speaking these lies to myself for seven years, I had built up an attitude of hatred and disgust towards myself. I avoided looking in the mirror, avoided hanging out with people who I felt were "prettier" or "skinnier" than me, and yelled at God for making me the way He did.
Finally, after seven years, I was exhausted. I was tired of the bitterness, darkness, and disdain that I surrounded myself with. No one forced me to be the way I was; I DID IT TO MYSELF! I laugh at myself sometimes when I am looking in the mirror and telling myself that I need to fix something. What a joke! No one's perfect. Anyways, God created me. Who am I to try and "fix" God's perfect creation?
2018 was a year of discovering that my identity and self-worth are not found in the number on the scale or in the clarity of my skin. My identity is found in Jesus Christ and in His sacrificial love for me. My happiness and joy shouldn't be found in fitting into a certain size of clothing or being "the most beautiful"; these things should be found in my relationships with friends, family, and ultimately, God.
As 2019 kicks off, I am not making any resolutions or starting anything new. I am continuing to pursue the joy and happiness found in this life that God has given me. Instead of throwing a pity party for myself, I want to continue to pour into the people God has placed in my life. I want 2019 to be a year of letting go of the past and moving forward as a new creation in Jesus Christ. I will still have days when the lies bombard me and my self-worth is low, but even on those days, I am not going to stop fighting. Loving myself is important as a Christian because when I love myself, I am able to love others better and ultimately, to love God more.
I can't wait for the adventures that this year holds and the things that God is going to do! It's going to be a crazy year, and I would love for you to join me! If you ever need prayer or someone to talk to, I am here to listen! God has had me walk through trials so that I may be a testimony of His love and grace to His children. Let's tackle 2019 together.
