The 5 Worst Books Ever Written

The 5 Worst Books Ever Written

These books were literally word crap.
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Many believe that any fame, good or bad, is positive. That's a lie. In the world of books where fame and recognition is for better or for worse in the most popular series, there are indeed many literary gems. However, for as many gems as there are, there are an equal amount of rocks. Some books inspire people, other books make you want to die. Here's a list of some of the worst books I could find. I've included links to the Amazon pages on the off chance you actually want to buy these books.

1. "Twilight" series (2007) by Stephanie Meyer

"Sleep, my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love."

“You are making me insane, Bella."

The brood mother of all teen vampire books and movies, "Twilight's" success in the mid-2000s generated several movies and spin-offs, and the ire of readers everywhere. Stephanie Meyer's foray into the genre generated equal amounts of hatred and love for her story of a pedophile vampire who fought with a shirtless wolfman over Kristen Stewart. Psychology Today even ran an article talking about the potentially damaging lessons "Twilight" taught about relationships warning young readers. "Twilight" has become for a great deal of people, that one summer you accidentally killed a homeless man. You know it happened, but you hope if you don't talk about it for long enough everyone will forget.


2. "Atlanta Nights" (2005) by Travis Tea

“Mmm-hmm. Come and get this big Afros and indescribably tender. His hands moved surely. Recover for a mess. She'd have noticed if it had so impetuously across the pelting Georgia Girl Grill."

“His Blackberry was a girl to appreciate the usual number of white, carefully capped teeth. Just remember-- I've got her peerless eyes."

Unlike the above example, "Atlanta Nights" was deliberately designed to be a bad book. Published by several authors under the name Travis Tea, the book was designed to be as terrible as possible to test the publishing company PublishAmerica for vanity publishing, essentially publishing books without reviewing them. They released this awful work of fiction and surprisingly, the company approved to publish the book. The story's plot is nonsensical with characters and events changing in every single chapter. "Atlanta Nights" is written incredibly badly, with some creative writing courses using the book as a guideline for how not to write. The above quotes are from the Chapter 34, which was created by the Bonsai Story Generated which simply rearranges text based on input. The chapter was made completely randomly by a computer and then was published.


3."Fifty Shades Of Grey" (2011) by E.L James

“His voice is warm and husky like dark melted fudge chocolate caramel...or something. “

“Don't you like the butt drawer?"

“He's my very own Christian Grey Popsicle."

In the same vein as "Twilight," "Fifty Shades of Grey" suffers from immense popularity whilst simultaneously being accused of being poorly written. The series covering the relationship between Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey and their sexual exploitation that delved into explicit detail involving bondage and other kinks. Described as “Twilight but with sex," "Fifty Shades of Grey" actually began its life as "Twilight" fanfiction, so the roots of the book were completely screwed from the beginning. The two versions are so similar that E.L. James has attempted to remove the original “Master of the Universe," (what a crappy name) from every web source possible due to it being so close to his actual work.

4. Eye of Argon (1970) by Jim Theis

"Prepare to embrace your creators in the stygian haunts of hell, barbarian", gasped the first soldier.

"Only after you have kissed the fleeting stead of death, wretch!" returned Grignr.

"You make love well wench," admitted Grignr as he reached for the vessel of potent wine his charge had been quaffing."

"The Eye of Argon," released by Theis when he was 16 years old, has the makings of a young, successful first work by an eager and talented author. This is not the case. Often described as the worst fantasy novella ever written, "The Eye of Argon" is difficult to read with a straight face. The original published version was full of typos and reflected Theis's poor understanding of grammar and artistry, as he decided to draw his own awful art for the story.


The author's overtly descriptive means can stretch on for paragraphs with the first one in the book trailing on about a lizard that has nothing to do with the rest of the story. In another part of the book someone is kicked in the testicles for multiple paragraphs. For several years many versions of the novella that were still in circulation had no ending and reproductions can only attempt to recapture just how bad the original actually was. Fortunately, someone had produced a decent recreation, complete with all of the misspellings and drawings.

5. "Moon People" (2000) by Dale Courtney

“This Story Begins on a beautiful sunny day in Daytona Beach Florida with a man by the name of David Brayner. A 45-year old single man that works in the local high school as a science teacher."

“As Dave pulls into Cheral's place, he sees many many of the regular locals parked in the parking lot like normal."

“Braymer did you hear the news? Sure [sic] David replied. “I'm going to hook up my new telescope we will watch it as it gets close. This is a special telescope that can see during the day."

This book is so bad, Huffington Post did an article chronicling just how awful it actually is. You can actually read part of the book on Amazon through the 'look inside' option. I wouldn't recommend it though, as such a literary mess is almost stressful to look through. The book chronicles the journey of David Brayner, a science teacher-turned-astronaut, or something. I'm genuinely uncertain what was going on in the portion of the book I was able to read. I honestly can't say a lot about this one; it's really so terrible that there's not one specific point to begin. In a twist of irony, the reviews for the book are delightfully sarcastic, highlighting the book's many shortcomings.

Note: As an Amazon Associate, Odyssey may earn a portion of qualifying sales.

Cover Image Credit: https://steelethisblog.wordpress.com/tag/the-eye-of-argon/

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What Your Hogwarts House Says About You

Get yourself sorted and find out where you belong in the world of witchcraft and wizardry.
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Sorting at Hogwarts is a big deal. Being sorted into a house is essentially being placed into a family while you are away from home learning about witchcraft and wizardry. Your house is made up of the people you will live with, go to classes with, play Quidditch with and everything in between. You basically spend 24/7 with them. Your Hogwarts house is your home away from home.

When you get sorted into a house, it is based on your personality traits. The people in your house are typically like-minded people who display the same characteristics as you.

When you’re a first year at Hogwarts, the minute you set foot in the castle you are swept into the Great Hall to have the ancient Sorting Hat placed on your head. This Sorting Hat decides which “family” you’ll be spending your seven years with.

For some, it is very obvious which house they will be in, due to certain personality traits they possess. For others, they may exemplify traits that fit a multitude of houses and are uncertain where they may end up.

To find out where you belong, you can take the official "Harry Potter" Sorting Hat quiz at Pottermore.com. For all you muggles out there, these are the characteristics that the houses possess and what your house says about you:

Gryffindor: The house of the brave, loyal, courageous, adventurous, daring and chivalrous. Those who stand up for others are typically Gryffindors. Brave-hearted is the most well-known Gryffindor characteristic, and Gryffindors are also known for having a lot of nerve.

Gryffindors are people who hold a multitude of qualities alongside the ones listed, making them a very well-rounded house. People who are Gryffindors are often people who could fit nicely into another house but choose to tell the sorting hat they want Gryffindor (there's that bravery). "Do what is right" is the motto Gryffindors go by.

Being a Gryffindor means that you're probably the adventurous and courageous friend, and you are usually known for doing what is right.

Ravenclaw: The house is known for their wisdom, intelligence, creativity, cleverness and knowledge. Those who value brains over brawn can be found here. Ravenclaws often tend to be quite quirky as well. "Do what is wise" is the motto they strive to follow.

Though Ravenclaws can be know-it-alls sometimes, they most likely do know what the wisest decision is.

If you are known for being the quirky friend, the smartest in the group or just great at making wise decisions, you're definitely a Ravenclaw.

Hufflepuff: This house values hard work, dedication, fair play, patience, and loyalty. Hufflepuff’s are known for being just and true. "Do what is nice" is their motto.

Hufflepuff is known as the “nice house” and believes strongly in sparing peoples feelings and being kind. This is not to say that Hufflepuffs aren't smart or courageous. Hufflepuffs just enjoy making others happy and tend to be more patient towards people.

If you ever find that you are too nice for your own good and cannot bear to hurt someone’s feelings, congratulations, you are a Hufflepuff.

Slytherin: This is the house of the cunning, prideful, resourceful, ambitious, intelligent, and determined. Slytherin's love to be in charge and crave leadership. "Do what is necessary" is the motto of this house.

Slytherin is a fairly well-rounded house, similar to the other houses. They are loyal to those that are loyal to them just as Gryffindors are and are intelligent as Ravenclaws.

Slytherin house as a whole is not evil, despite how many dark wizards come out of this house. That is merely based on the choices of those wizards (so if your friend is a Slytherin, don’t judge, it doesn’t mean they are mean people). Slytherins do, however, have a tendency to be arrogant or prideful. This is most likely due to the fact that everyone in Slytherin is exceedingly proud to be there.

What Hogwarts house you’re in says a lot about the person you are, the traits you possess and how you may act in some situations. But in the end, your house is really just your home that is always there for you. Always.


Cover Image Credit: Warner Bros Pictures

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