How To Have No Idea What You're Doing And Be Okay With That

This is the first and most vulnerable article I will ever write because I am admitting to strangers that I don’t know who I am.

It has taken me a long time to decide that it’s okay to go into college (the almost real world) not knowing what I’m doing, not knowing who I want to be. Sure, I have my interests, just like everyone else, but I definitely have some sort of commitment phobia because I can’t commit to a major or any big life decisions out of fear that whatever I choose won’t give me pure happiness.

I don’t believe in sacrificing happiness or creativity for money or “security” because my own mortality is very obvious to me. I’ve never had a brush with death, but I very deeply feel myself getting older and the worst thing I have done with my life so far is waiting to get older; waiting until I’m a certain age or at a certain point to do what I want to do because that’s when I “can” do it, and I think that’s one of the worst things a person can do: wait around for their life to start. The phrase “YOLO” is so cliché, but rings with truth. Only once will I, or you, be seventeen, eighteen, twenty two, twenty eight, etc. There are no do-overs, no take-backs… even the minutes that I sit here, writing this article at my boring summer job will never be given back to me. Taking each moment by the reins is what everyone should strive to do, but is truly the most difficult thing to accomplish.

I say I have no idea what I’m doing because I don’t know (right now) where my life is going. Unlike some people who are interested in nothing, I am interested in everything. One of my most favorite teachers ever told me once that I have a passion for life that inspires her, that the spark in my eye will take me far. That was the day that I decided it was okay to not have a set plan, to not really be on a certain path or have one specific interest that I could dedicate my whole life to. I am extremely lucky to be able to pick and choose where my life will go and not everyone gets that opportunity. That’s my big advice to you, that’s how I am okay with not know what I’m doing: If you are not free, free yourself. If you are free, never settle for less than thrilling. Chase what inspires you and you will inspire others. Sacrifice your happiness only when necessary and wear your rose colored glasses, always. Sometimes it’s difficult to have a plan, and sometimes it’s even more difficult to not. I am writing this to tell you that even if you are like me and long term plans are not your strength, you will come out of it okay.