The Wanderer
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

The Wanderer

Someone I never thought I'd meet or become.

The Wanderer

My heart is restless, my mind refuses to stay on the ground, and my soul is wandering.

As boho hippy as that sounds, it has never been truer for me than it is right now. So many parts of me are searching, roaming to settle in a place that can tie me down. I inherited this restless spirit from my mother, who similarly found herself drawn to a world beyond her home in Mexico City, calling her to the U.S., daring her to create a life for herself, by herself. Sometimes I even think it's genetic - that pull on our hearts, that whisper in our ears, revealing an attractive beyond, tempting us to chase it, challenging us to catch it. This sort of lifestyle can be impatient, unfulfilling, and maddeningly lonely. But it is one that drives me to search, to hope, and, best of all, to dream.

I was born and raised in a single city, a city I was always angling to escape. I grew up with the same people, went to school with them, and didn't see a world larger than the comfortable familiarity I had grown accustomed to. And yet, I always saw myself trying to get away, as though it was my destiny to move on someday.

"Someday" came when I moved to school nearly 1,500 miles away. It came when I realized that I had soaked up everything that my hometown had to offer and pushed me to take a step beyond its comforting yet confining walls. I had to make a transition; I had to readjust my idea of "home" because I soon found myself calling "home" two separate places, places that are thousands of miles apart.

And yet, I've reached a point where I've learned so much and experienced so much that I realize that neither of these places have the power to tie me down. They are places that I am spending a good portion of my life in, but they won't be places that I can tie myself down to. While I am incredibly loyal to both places and have an intense attachment to them, I still feel like I'm searching and wandering and learning about myself enough to be able to find a final, ultimate home. As of right now, I don't want to go back to my hometown and I know I don't want to stay in my "school-town."

So, where do I go?

The best way for me to characterize these convoluted thoughts is through a quote I found while Pinterest surfing: "I am homesick for a place I am not even sure exists. One where my heart is full and my soul is understood."

Not only does this quote give me hope that someone else in the world can empathize with how I'm feeling but also helps me make my own feelings more tangible and understandable.

While I am called on this journey of wandering, I can still hope to reach a destination. But you can understand how frightening it is to be in a limbo where there is no destination in sight. Imagine this: There is a single, lonely dirt road. Everything is silent and still except for the disruptive interruptions the sounds of your steps make as you walk along this road. You keep moving forward, following the path because the fog that surrounds you makes it so you can only clearly see a few feet ahead. Sometimes you'll get distracted by a shadow that appears on the side of the road, tempting you to stop and investigate. But you know your destination is more important, more valuable than the shadows that distract you, the shadows that seek to derail you and trick you into settling. Sometimes you'll have to make turns and work your way around a fallen tree or a pothole. You're tired and you get lonely, but you still keep moving, you still keep listening to the part of yourself that is drawn by curiosity and wonder and hope for the beautiful end of the road.

As sad and sort of depressing as that may sound, I am actually quite comfortable with this metaphorical image. I comfort myself with the feeling that I am not the only one on this road; I just haven't caught up with the other person who is, or they haven't caught up to me.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments