I wish anxiety didn’t fill every aspect of my life , but it does. Oh how it would feel to never have random rushes of panic in situations that aren’t scary. It gets tough pushing through normal activities that shouldn’t take as much energy. It’s draining having your mind rushing thoughts through your head constantly. Oh how it would feel if only I didn’t have to push through the day, and often fake a smile. To be able to just live a little instead of pushing yourself everyday to what you feel is the edge. I wish I didn’t feel like I constantly have to be reminded that I’m okay, and that I’m safe. I often feel that others are judging me, because I may bite my nails, or rock my legs. I know I’m different, but most days I wish I was better at hiding it. It’s not that I’m ashamed of my disorder, but people see your different. I wish I wasn’t afraid to just live. I dream of traveling the world, but some days I can’t even travel out of my room. A ten minute trip to the grocery store can feel like a full 8 hour shift. I hate the shakiness, weakness, and lightheadedness my illness causes me. I constantly feel like my body is giving up on me. My mind often rushes and then fog hits me. It’s like I can’t focus on anything, not even my fears. I feel like I’m losing control, and that’s my biggest fear. I push people away, when I just need someone to stay. I’m scared I’ll always be this way, and I’ll never be able to do anything. I’ve tried so many strategies, but they don’t seem to work. Maybe for a little, but it starts to get bad again. One day I hope the old me comes back, the girl who wasn’t so scared . Oh how did my life turn into this.