Sometimes in life we don’t find the things we want and I have learned that that is perfectly fine, because often you get exactly what you need. Call it divine intervention, fate or just plain luck but whatever you call it never despair when you can’t find that perfect pair of shoes, bag or even the “perfect mate” because what you need is always right around the corner. When I first met my now husband he wasn’t what I wanted and I am not ashamed of that because he is exactly what I needed. He isn’t 6 ft. tall he doesn’t have a 6 pack and he isn’t even close to my age but the things he is more than makes up for those trivial things and now I have the best relationship I could ever ask for, he takes care of our family and in the 6 years we have been together not a day has gone by where he didn’t make me feel like I was the most important thing in his world and when it really comes down to brass tacks isn’t that what is really important.

So I bet you are wondering what our secret is. It really is that we don’t have fights, we have conversations but that is really only part of it the other part is BDSM. Yup you read that correctly and when I say BDSM I do not mean 50 Shades of Grey which is kind of the biggest insult to our community other than people thinking we are just sex crazed perverts I hope in reading this you will come to see that I am just like you except I call my husband Master and he calls me his slave. Actually if you saw us on the streets nothing would seem out of place you might notice that I am wearing a choker but what you would not know that it is actually a collar to symbolize the fact that I am owned and protected. I work a normal job he does not control every aspect of my life but in some other cases that are true and that is ok too. I guess what I am trying to do is humanize and slightly normalize this lifestyle.

One of the first questions I get asked when someone does find out about my lifestyle is about our children. “Aren’t you afraid of traumatizing them?!” To which I respond “No of course not” this might seem strange to some but the children do not know they see my collars yes, but are unconcerned or think they are just necklaces I wear when the time comes and they are older I will tell them about the dynamic of our relationship but the only other thing they might pick up on is that when my husband asks me to do something I just do it there are no questions just actions, we do not call each other Master and slave in front of them and it is not like we are having wild and crazy sex in front of them.

What most people fail to realize is that this is not all about sex, yes it is super fun, it is about commitment and happiness and caring for each other on every level and in the end isn’t that what really matters? Being in this lifestyle together forces you to have better communication without it the whole thing would crumble, you tell each other what you want and need in the bedroom and those skills transfer to the rest of your relationship. With better communication brings with it a stronger emotional connection as well, you learn the reasons behind the persons reactions which makes you feel closer to each other. All of this culminates in a better and more rewarding relationship for both parties.

I am not saying that this lifestyle is for everyone. I would actually caution anyone from just trying to jump in feet first. What I am saying is that maybe before you judge someone else you should first try to understand that maybe it works for them even if it wouldn't work for you. Now I will implore you to open your mind to other ways of living with each other.