A group chat is the glue that holds our friendships together (and common interests, values, blah blah blah). Despite them being your battery's cause of death going from 100 to 0 real quick, it’s your main source of entertainment and information. In the time you neglected to look at your group chat because you were taking an exam or in the shower, five people ended their relationships, someone in another house was talking sh*t about your house, someone's failing a class, a frat went on social probation, blackmail has resurfaced, someone's bored and wants to know what other people are doing, plans were made, and you have been signed up for a philanthropy at 10 a.m. this Saturday.
This magical cyberspace community is comprised of diverse individuals all coming together to simultaneously have three to seven conversations at once. Sure the members of each pledge class group chats vary, but the types of people are a commonality throughout.
1. The Supreme.
This person single-handedly maintains stability and functionality amongst the group. Just like in the by far best season of "American Horror Story: Coven" ("AHS: Hotel" I will admit has it's moments, but, like, no. Just no.), the Supreme changes. Depending on the situation or conversation topic, the Supreme is either chosen or steps up. This person has all the power and information needed to command their group chat, and the ability to spread a rumor faster than your life can spiral out of control. They are the decision-makers, and if you argue then you might get cut....from the group chat.
2. The Needy.
"Does anybody have a shirt I can borrow?" "Who's Netflix account can I use?" "Has anybody taken ABC 101 and has all the tests?" "Can someone come with me to health services?" This member doesn't see the group chat as a form of communication, but more of a closet expansion, library, and volunteer service.
3. The Oprah.
Somehow, there's always a person who just seems to have everything. The day of a tailgate, date night, themed party, or anything else requiring unconventional apparel, 65 out of the 70 notifications are people asking if anybody has something they can borrow. Finally, the Oprah swoops in and saves the day with enough bleached and laced college shirts for a tailgate, or little black dresses for a formal to clothe a small village. Somehow they just always have whatever anybody needs.
4. The Bobo Doll.
You know those blow up clown toys that you punch down only to pop right back into their upright position, staring back at you with that creepy smile? They're called Bobo dolls, and that's exactly what this person is. No matter what they say, everybody just sh*ts on them. It's nothing too personal (most of the time), but just like inflatable dolls, they're an easy target...
5. The Ones Who Checked Out After Initiation.
The purpose of this group originally was so everybody could stay up to date and constantly informed of "bonding" events, requests, and any other aspects of the "new member process." Once this stage was over and everybody was officially a member, it would no longer be a thing to be available at the drop of a hat. So notifications were turned off or do not disturb mode was turned on and they checked out. You'll post this article in your group chat and call them out, but they won't get the notification, nor will they read it.
6. The Sarcastic Bully.
When things get serious or emotional, they'll either check out or end the conversation with a sarcastic comment. They thrive off singling people out and it's usually hilarious, until you're the one being singled out. They often talk in movie quotes, and it's awkward because nobody knows if it's a movie quote or not, unless it's from "Bridesmaids," "Mean Girls," or "Clueless." Even bigger of a problem, nobody knows when they're being serious, so they're just entirely not taken seriously.
7. Gossip Girl.
They know everything about everybody. A rumor being discussed in the group is not valid until the Gossip Girl backs it up. Their networking connections expand past anybody's ability to comprehend the actual connection. How did they know about the professor's affair with his student? Their second cousin's roommate's camp friend's mom's brother's boss's kid's nanny's great aunt's ex-husband's stepson told them, of course.
8. The One Who Talks Like This.
As frustrating as it is when you say something that gets ignored, nobody finds your joke funny, or literally any aspect of a group chat, at the end of the day when your phone has died four times since leaving your dorm or apartment that morning with 100 percent, it's a place where we can find solace. It's an unproven, completely assumed fact that college experiences would not be complete without our beloved group chats to get us through the trials and errors of adolescence.
