"For the record, you would need to lose about 20-25 pounds to have any success in anywhere like New York" - those were the words that were said to me as I was signing my first and only modeling contract. I was sixteen years old, and didn't know the first thing about the world of modeling. All I knew at the time was that I was ecstatic. All my life I had been a bigger girl, and now that I had lost weight, I was getting new opportunities. Let me just state this first - I don't regret trying my hand at modeling at all. Some people are made for it, but I am not one of them. Obviously the modeling I was doing wasn't big time, but it was hardcore to say the least. That said, I am very lucky to have been given the opportunity, and I learned many valuable lessons from the whole experience. I now know how the world of modeling really works, and it is not glamorous. It is competitive, it is every man for themselves, it is time consuming, it is brutal, and it is tough. Only those with the thickest skin can really thrive.
Growing up, I always thought it would be so amazing to be a model - a distant dream for my very overweight younger self. Seeing the way models were portrayed to the public made it seem like being a model would be a dream come true for any young girl - but in reality, it makes you question everything about yourself and your appearance. When given the opportunity to do photoshoots and walk the runway, I jumped on it. I took months of runway and posing classes, went to auditions, booked a runway show, etc. But what I immediately realized is how superficial it all is. They wanted me to be thinner, to be pale, to change my makeup, to wear tight clothes, to wear my hair in a specific ponytail, etc. I was screamed at over my runway walk, scrutinized over my poses, told that my "look" needed to be a certain way… it just wasn't worth it. It was like they had complete power over me. I thought to myself, why am I even doing this? For a crappy paycheck and some social status? The whole cycle is so self destructive. I feel lucky to have realized that quickly, because there are so many girls I met who are trapped in this cycle, living a life where everything is constantly artificial. After I came to that realization, I did my runway show and never set foot in the agency again.
I've never considered myself to be a quitter, but I just couldn't put my full energy into something I didn't believe in. I gave it a good effort though and now all of my questions about modeling are answered. I now have many stories to tell (one girl in my group was bragging to me about how she had 3% body fat…), self realization, and a new experience. I'm happy for those who receive joy from modeling, and in no way do I want bash it. But if you're thinking about trying it, just go into it with zero expectations and know that it's not what it seems. Some people end up loving it, but I'm personally a lot happier without the pressure and a tape measure wrapped around my waist.
