Being Lactose Intolerant is hard. It is not as common as peanut allergies, but it ought to be given the same amount of attention in the school cafeteria. I say this because my body has been unable to handle dairy since day one, and it is time society recognized how real the struggle is for those who can’t handle the good stuff (chocolate, pizza, ice cream, etc.).
Below is a self-compiled list of the top ten difficulties we lactose intolerant folks face. If you or someone you know cannot properly digest cheese, you may be familiar with any of the following issues:
1. You cannot catch a break (ever!)
Say you’re going out to dinner with the family or with a significant other. No matter what kind of restaurant you go to, you have to look for a meal that is one hundred percent dairy-free. That hardly ever happens — even when you order a salad, you need to make sure you get it without the cheese, without the ranch dressing, completely dry. Otherwise, you will be getting a healthy meal that is completely unhealthy for you.
2. Forgetting those Lactaid pills
It is a picturesque day in Boston’s North End, and the squad wants to make things sweeter. Walking in to Mike’s Pastry, you spot a nice strawberry tart behind the glass. You reach into your purse for your ticket to happiness, and… it’s not there! Whoever invented Lactaid Pills was a genius; if only we weren’t so absent-minded when the time comes to using them. It is sad when you are all hyped up to get a treat and you left your pills at home.
3. The smallest things can kill you
Some people are more sensitive to lactose than others, and others still can even grow out of it with age (I envy you if you are one of those people). Unfortunately, there are individuals who are stuck with it. My dairy intolerance will never leave me, and I can never be too sure of what passes my lips. Sometimes even one slice of Pizzeria Regina can make me ill for three days. This can happen even after your medicine is consumed.
4. The suitable substitutes aren’t so splendid
Of course, there are other options for when you cannot stomach milk (no pun intended). There is rice milk, soy milk, almond milk and even coconut milk. I’ve tried them all, and to be perfectly honest, I am not a fan. The best substitute I have found is Lactaid Milk. There is no difference in flavor (people have tested it) and there are no weird ingredients. Rice? From Milk? No way! We deserve the next best thing to the real deal!
5. Always reading that fine print: CONTAINS SOY INGRIEDIENTS.
The good people at Pepperidge Farm would never lie, right? Right. What is on the label is in the product. But just because it says “Soy” does not mean those cheddar Goldfish crackers might cause slight abdominal discomfort after consumption. In other words, eat those Goldfish, you will get a stomachache later. Soy does not cancel out milk ingredients.
6. Temptations are everywhere
My forbidden fruit is not an apple — it is a chocolate chip cookie fresh out of the oven. Small bits of chocolate may seem harmless, but they might as well be bullets for the lactose intolerant. Going out to dinner is fun, but you cannot help but feel a little heartbroken when it is dessert time at the Cheesecake Factory. Everybody else has big slices of cheesy cakey goodness, and you have a bowl of strawberries. The berries are delish, but wonder what that cake would taste like…
7. Halloween and Easter are not very fun
I liked Halloween when I was a kid. There was something special about becoming someone/something else for one night. However, I grew up in a bad neighborhood, and trick-or-treating was not quite enjoyable. The homes were not ridden with drugs or violence, but they were ridden with something much worse: Chocolate. Yes, behind those picturesque homes lied people giving out Hershey’s to kids on Halloween. The horror! Easter was no better; the chocolate bunny from Grandma always went to my brother.
8. Being singled out
Believe it or not, the lactose intolerant can have quite a hard time fitting in. Pizza parties, ice cream socials… forget about it. Sleepovers were great, but while everybody else is enjoying a slice of pepperoni pizza and you’re having pasta, feeling left out is inevitable. That is not to say the host or hostess was not thinking of your sensitivity when they gave you a sandwich instead of a sundae, it is merely wanting to be like the cool kids (pun intended).
9. Embarrassing moments
Not being able to have what everyone else is having is bad enough, but imagine always being conscious of yourself if you are brave enough to take a pill and have some yogurt for breakfast. The pill makes the dairy go down easily, but it does not necessarily mean it will go down smoothly. I am a little red in the face as I type this, but passing gas is a commonality for those who cannot handle dairy as well as others. Now you know why people say “cutting the cheese.”
10. The sickness
When you are lactose intolerant, life can be hard. But sometimes you just have to take a risk. That is the best way to get through life after all, so go to Pinkberry! You can make up for the damage tomorrow (literally). I’ll spare you the details of having the dreaded sick feeling you get when you have had one too many creamy treats, but try to think of it as a hangover that lasts three days at the most. I am a college student, so a wild night for me would be sipping a milkshake. That is my hard stuff.
We lactose intolerant people can try to cut dairy out of our diets if we so choose, or we could just be brave and figure out how much our bodies can take. But we should never feel ashamed or embarrassed to let people know why we have to take certain precautions when we are going out. Just be upfront about it.
I leave you with this important public service announcement about dealing with grouchy waiters.
Remember my lactose intolerant brothers and sisters, the customer (you) is always right.
