When you're a minority in a predominantly white institution, it's challenging to adapt to being around different cultures aside from your own. But, for the past two years, I've considered myself a social butterfly. A socially awkward butterfly, perhaps.
In order to make myself comfortable with Happy Valley, I've made a variety of friends, from black, white, Hispanic—you name 'em all. But, when I'm around my circle of friends, or at least other friends I communicate with from time-to-time, I feel like a minority.
People always say that opposites attract, but at times I believe I try to change myself to fit in with the others, yet my interests are bizarrely different from what the black community loves.
Ladies and gentleman, I'm the "token black friend" everyone knows in college.
All of my years of elementary, middle, and high school, I was surrounded by black classmates. Yet, I always felt like the odd one out because I wasn't a fan of NBA video games, Meek Mill, or whatever trends we used to follow. Despite knowing and appreciating my culture, I was a fan of shows like "Glee," a mixture of pop-rock and R&B songs, and looked up to a lot of white celebrities or figures.
When I began my second year of college, I posted a picture, Polaroid quality, on social media. I was with a majority of my friends. People I associated with at home were messaging me or commenting on my posts, like "Where are all your black friends? You forgot about your own race?"
One person said, "You went from Dunkin' Donuts to Starbucks. You're bougie."
Since Starbucks Coffee is stereotypically associated with white consumers, and I actually buy Starbucks Frappuccinos, I felt offended. I've had discussions with people from home who were trying to force me to be prejudiced against white people.
I was told that my actions, my interests, and my social media presence was stereotypically "white." I was told that I don't seem "Black" or from Philadelphia because I have a "white" demeanor. I was told that I'd rather jump up and down to "Mr. Brightside" at "white" parties, instead of "Bad and Boujee" with "my own kind."
Yet, here I am in State College, trying to be myself, "Black," and not even my white friends can relate.
I feel like a token black friend because non-Black people want me around as a way to use my culture as a joke.
Whenever a hip-hop song comes on when I'm around my non-Black friends: "Oh, Trae, you're black, you know this song."
Passing by the condom aisle at the convenience store: "Ooh, Magnums. Trae, I know you're gonna buy those, bro."
If I get aggressive, compared to my relaxed demeanor: "Oh, that's the "black" Trae we wanted to see!"
I eventually started to express my culture more, and my non-black friends drifted away from me. There are still a few people I try to communicate with, and they either leave me on "read" or once they see me on campus, they avoid me.
In addition, I don't even feel in touch with the Black community at my school. I walk into particular campus spots with culture shock towards my own culture, and everyone's so close to each other. I can't recall anyone approaching me and willing to get to know me. I guess the reason why is because I'm never around or I'm just different from them all.
At this point in my college experience, I don't know who I am anymore. But, I know what I won't be. I won't be that token Black friend anymore. I've had enough.
I'm giving you me, a black man who will say what he feels, does what he wants, and loves what he loves. I am a big, black guy who loves rock bands, Twenty One Pilots, and mall trips to Hot Topic. But, that doesn't take away my pride of being black, nor does it push aside how I was raised.
I still watch "Friday," "Boyz N Da Hood," and "Love & Basketball" like it's tradition.
If this is too much for you, then please remove me on every social platform and don't look at me in public.
I won't give you what you want.
