Sometimes, we feel insecure about where we are in our lives. We find ourselves feeling unsure whether we are at the right place. We want to be at the right place, but a part of us knows that's up to life to decide.
I'm one of the many people who have experienced this feeling. It's a very agonizing feeling to have. It's kind of like asking yourself, "Where am I?" But the hard part of asking yourself that question is, you also don't know where you will end up.
For me, that timeline has been broken and in the process of becoming mended ever since I found out that I am autistic. It was a warm July evening, when I shed tears on the fact of this new revelation. I knew that time would fly by eventually, but a part of me wanted to go back in time before the pandemic, when I didn't know about any of this.
I found myself comparing this revelation to a caterpillar entering a metamorphosis stage. When a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, it doesn't become one immediately. Like a lot of things, there is a process in which that happens. Although most of us have no clue about the inner emotions of a caterpillar, if we were one, we would probably be scared and afraid. It's a natural feeling to have and one that any caterpillar deserves kudos for.
But sometimes, we stay a long time in that cocoon and we feel even more scared and afraid of what's to come. We aren't familiar with this cocoon and we don't know if we will ever come out of it. The cocoon might have felt a tiny bit comfortable at some point, but we have also come to a realization that we need to come out of it.
One of the most magnificent things about caterpillars is that they have the power to use a phase in their lives to change. Not a lot of animals and insects have this ability. And this ability is something that shouldn't be taken away from the caterpillars and us humans too.
But we have to realize that there isn't a "timeline" for getting our life together. We don't have to try and rush things so that we can get out of this cocoon we find ourselves in. We will become butterflies, maybe just not now. The cocoon is there to provide shelter for us and our complicated emotions that we might have. And it's okay for us to have these complicated emotions, because these emotions will turn into excitement and happiness for when the time comes that we finally become a butterfly.
If I were to compare the stage of my life right now to how far I have until I become a butterfly, I simply wouldn't know. I am still in the cocoon and hoping to come out of it someday. And that's okay because there is no "timeline" for when I should finally become a butterfly. Caterpillars like to take their time when they crawl.