You aren’t known for having a gorgeous tan in the summertime, you are known for being burnt to a crisp. You have a love/hate relationship with the sun. You either look like a tomato or Larry the Lobster. Your There’s no in between. You don’t bother using a tanning bed or laying out on a gorgeous day. You have accepted the fact that you are destined to be the pasty/white friend. The struggle is real.
1.You don’t just get burnt, you get scorched.
You can never get a normal sunburn. Your skin tends to blister and occasionally get sun poison, because it is so white. Most people get third degree burns from touching a hot stove or oven, but not you. You get third degree burns when you forget to reapply sunscreen ever two hours. You’re the friend that gets burnt when you go in the tanning bed for seven minutes. Or maybe that’s just me? Word to the wise: do not shave your legs if they aren’t burnt. Believe me. I’ve tried.
2.Your friends are blinded by your white skin.
Your friends probably refer to you as Casper because your skin is basically transparent. On really sunny days, you have to wear a t-shirt over your swimsuit to prevent getting scorched. Your belly barely sees any sunlight, so when you lift your shirt your friends have to put on sunglasses because if they didn’t they would probably go blind.
3.You never get a tan.
After suffering through a terrible sunburn, you never end up with a nice tan. Your sunburn turns into freckles. You refrain from laying out with your friends because you know deep down that you’ll never be tan. It’s just not meant to be. Deep down, you are secretly jealous of all of your gorgeously tan friends.
4.You have a stockpile of sunblock and aloe.
Your friends never have to worry about packing sunscreen because they know you already packed every kind known to man. But if they want tanning lotion, they are on their own. If you even look at tanning lotion, you get a sunburn. Even though you try to be cautious, some part of your body gets burnt, so you always have aloe handy. BTW: spray-on aloe works wonders. If you are allergic to aloe, try vinegar.
5.You are a master at finding shade.
You are the friend that sits under trees or an umbrella when you have to be outside, because it’s easier for you to avoid contact with the sun. Being in the shade is the only surefire way to avoid getting sunburned. If you go to the beach, you bring a huge umbrella to block out the sun. Your mom has always warned you about the dangers of sun cancer. You always thought she was just over reacting, but it can happen to anyone, so if you are the pasty friend always remember to wear sunscreen and stay in the shade if you can. On a positive note, you are a master at finding and throwing shade.
