Every break up is different. But when you or someone you know is going through one, whether it's the first time or the 20th, there are certain stages you see repeating in not just your own life but everyone else's. Abby Lee Miller will help explain what I mean.
1. Confusion
Confusion is usually the first feeling you experience, especially if you had no prior knowledge of them wanting to break up. At first, you're kind of like "...wait, what? Are they being for real?" Then you start to dwell in the past asking yourself; "What could I have done better?" Your brows furrow in utmost confusion as a giant question mark is being drawn over your head. Huh?
2. Shock
Once the confusion subsides, the reality of it all hits you. You'll start calling up all your friends, telling them how your significant other just cut ties with you. You cannot believe it.
3. Denial
Hah, right. He didn't break up with me. He just had a temporary lapse in judgement. He'll be back in a few days, begging for me. I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. If he thinks this is over, he's so funny. Watch, I'll post the most bomb selfie and I'll get a text from him in less than 5 minutes. Watch and see. We're not over.
4. Sadness
This stage of sadness usually goes unnoticed. It's not your typical "sob yourself to sleep" sadness, though it is not to be confused with anger. Your friends are still here at this point, telling you that you deserve so much better and that you don't need him. They never liked him but for your sake, they kept their mouths shut. You start to believe them. They're right. Who wants to be around someone who makes them feel like a pile of crap?
5. Fed Up
Your friends are so right. You've deleted his number, you've blocked him on Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter-pretty much all the social media platforms that you have in common. You're done with him. You don't care if he just went to Chipotle and ordered a burrito, more e coli for him. You're over it. You start to focus on all of the things that they've done wrong. There's nothing wrong with you. It was all him. I'm better than he'll ever be. I'm a baddie and he's beneath me. We could be Bey and Jay, but you're playing.
6. Anger
While scrolling through social media, you decide maybe it's time to unblock him. You go through his tweets and they're all about the "newfound freedom" he's recently discovered. Tempted as you are, you respond to his tweets saying things like "That's not what you were saying when you were crying on my shoulder over Chicken Little!" You bring up all the petty stuff that could make him look bad. He's ridiculous.
7. Nonchalant
By this stage, you've somehow managed to convince yourself that you do not care. Nothing he does at this point has any power over you. He can tweet all the crap he wants. He can post all the snaps he wants. You're just chillin', essentially. Cool as a cucumber. Yep. Not a care in the world. "Who, him? He means nothing to me. He's dead to me. I don't care. He can do whatever he wants." (Sounds a lot like denial, doesn't it?)
8. Anger
Mhm..Haha- you don't care right up until they post a snap with their new person. You're staring at the newest girl like,
Who is she? Does she think she's better than I am? She doesn't want these hands. Somebody better hold me back because I'm about to go off. Again, you've deleted his number, you've blocked him on Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter. You're done with him. You don't need this, your man has two jobs. Except you don't have a man, which is fine. But you still don't need him. Who does he think he is flaunting around his newest piece? You'll start to do things like degrading the girl, which isn't healthy, but you're in pain so you do it anyway.
9. Sadness
This is the stage that you see in the movies. When you're shoving tubs of ice cream down your throat, watching sappy movies, shedding tears by the boatload- this is sadness. It's easy to get lost in the sadness. You won't want to get out of bed. You most definitely will not want to check our social media. You just want absolutely nothing to do with the outside world. "Leave me alone while I cry off all my mascara."
10. Acceptance
He doesn't want to be a part of my life anymore? So be it. I would much rather surround myself with people that care about me anyway. I really don't need this. I accept that things are over and I'm going to do better for myself, by myself.
Cue Beyonce's Irreplaceable. Everyone's replaceable, except for me. I'm a gem in the dirt. I don't need a man to define me, quite frankly, I can do bad all by myself. You can run along to your next conquest, I'll be over here slaying the game.
11. Move On
Well, at this point you've accepted that things are over. And the most important thing is that you're okay with it. At this stage, you might start doing things for yourself. Such as treating yourself to a spa day, or going to the gym more, eating healthier, etc. At this stage, you are trying to become a better version of yourself, for you. Things start looking up at this stage. You're more willing to embrace new opportunities. The sun seems to shine a lot brighter.
12. Enjoy Life
The moral of the story is that break ups are tough. You'll go through many different stages of sadness, anger, etc. You'll experience many emotions that you didn't even expect to have. Life is always moving forward, never back. Don't dwell on the past and "what could've beens". Just as life does, move forward. It'll be better for you in the long run. Who knows what the future has in store for you?
