Between the Affordable Care Act’s impending death, someone who sexually assaulted dozens of women and is now attacking civil rights leaders becoming President, and the threat of not being able to access reproductive services looming over me (amongst many other things), I’ve really been at a loss. However, I keep telling myself now cannot be the time we get depressed and complacent. In that regard, it’s time to look at the glass half empty for a moment. Here are just a few of the perks I’m expecting to experience in the coming months:
- Republicans rendering my birth control virtually inaccessible means that in a few years there will be tons of tiny Democrats running around. They are the future!
- I get to tell all those kids about Golden Gate. I get to read about Golden Gate in history books. How insane is that?
- Thanks to becoming assigned to a life of housewifery, I’ll finally learn how to fold a fitted sheet – the greatest mystery to us all.
- I won’t have to worry about what in the world I’m going to wear when I go to vote, seeing as I’ll be very busy being barefoot and pregnant in my kitchen.
- Scratch that, my husband’s kitchen. At least I won’t have to worry about taxes or getting a mortgage – I’ll let bae handle it.
- This will make 73 cents to the dollar look pretty good.
- A nuclear war means none of us have to worry about paying off our student debt.
- Or maybe it’ll be climate change. Either way, don’t worry about your debt, Bernie bros, because we’re as good as dead anyway.
- Maybe America’s sweetheart Joe will feel obligated to run in 2020. I'm rooting for you, Joe. We all are.
Okay, okay, I may or may not be crying into my wine glass, but it’s better than nothing, right? Right???