One of my fondest memories of middle school was the day that my parents allowed me to skip graduation practice in favor of seeing a filming of Glee 3D Live with my cousin, who miraculously won two tickets on the radio. A neighbor watched as I attempted to discreetly climb into Tara’s Nissan and called out, “Kaitlyn, where are you going?” I gave her a mysterious expression and said smugly, as I got into the car, “Not to school”.

We drove to the now nonexistent Izod Center in the Meadowlands and waited in line, where I was unable to contain my excitement. I had to try to keep cool, though, because we were not entirely sure about the age minimum and I had to pass as an eighteen-year-old if questioned. By the grace of God, no one asked me about my age and I walked into the pearly gates where my beautiful idols awaited me. “I wonder if we’ll be able to see them where we are,” I kept saying, mostly referring to how far away we would be from Cory Monteith. When we walked in, though, I could have cared less where we were in being aware that I was in the same room as the cast of my show, the best part of my Tuesday nights, Glee. The production crew made announcements, telling us information that I did not pay mind to, likely which cameras to look at and how excited to appear.

At not a moment too soon, the cast came outside singing and dancing in all their glory. I remember clearly holding a cup of water and thinking I should react when it fell onto the head of the woman ahead of me. “Oh my goodness, I am so sorry! Kaitlyn, didn’t you see—“ my cousin tried to tell me, but failed miserably. Oh, I was mesmerized, Cory Monteith, (and all the other wonderful cast; truly I did love them all), were in the very same room as me and I could have scalded the woman’s scalp for all I cared. We sang along to their songs and relished in familiar dance numbers. I walked out of the arena with my head held high, knowing that I was a lucky girl.

Fast forward to seven years later, I am sitting in my college dorm processing the news that Mark Salling, who played Puck, has died. He is now the second person of the Glee cast, the first being Cory Monteith, to die and to die as a result of self-harm. The show was a sense of safety and solace for a world that other teenagers and I struggled to find a place in. Knowing that the characters who helped create that safety net are gone is troubling. Salling, though, was awaiting trial for possession of child pornography at the time of his suicide yesterday. Such a thought as any of the cast, the actors that gave me a break from reality each week, ever harming themselves or other people never would have and never had entered my mind. For so many others and for myself, television does not always lend itself to the fact that the people that play the characters are actors and they face demons that we do not and do not wish to fathom.